i know you are going through a lot of pain and thoughts of not wanting to be here but as hard as it is  i want you to know i think you were left on this earth for many things and one of them being to help people like me with bp  i look forward to your comments to other people and the support that you give them  when you answered my post when i was having a problem i really felt like you cared and it really did help me  please hang in there and continue to be there for people like me and others who need your help soooooo--- much  God spared you for a reason and i thank him for you still being here  i care        gelabriar

thankyou Gelebriar,

that is the anxst and the conscience...I know I cant really take action into my own hands. my time is set by the Lord not mine.  I am very greatful for this group and my faith.  If I didnt have faith, I would have been long gone....I just need a place to vent without scaring anyone...Its so much easier to give help and genuine concern, patience and love to others but its pert near impossible for me to be patient with myself in this world.   I do care about you and each and every single person in Butterfly...July is my accident anniversary.  My bestfriend was killed in the accident.  I died and came back and then came toooooo close again two more times including a priest who gave me last rites and wasnt expected to make it through the night.  Docs say among other things I have what is called Survivors Remorse...though the accident was not my fault and I know what its like on the other side.   It makes for a tough ride here on earth..Plus I lost my lower leg due to the accident..So I NEVER get a rest from it..My leg is a 24/7 reminder of what happened..   Thank you again and I am sorry if I upset you in anyway...

 

Gooey