I'm body is running very fast, have taken some more pills to slow me down.  I can't sleep, worrying about everything.  My wrists, ankles are pulsing!  My heads says to cut them and the feeling will go away.  I don't have nice thoughts in my head, life for me is to hard.  There, feels like I have three people inside my head-7yrs.old who's fighting to live, 45yrs.old wanting to die and a 90yrs.old so tired of this life.  So, you see it can get very crowded in here.  Please, stop the noise and pumping through my body.  But, mostly the terrible thoughts of killing myself!  I need to be here for my family---don't want one of my kids to take their life if I were to.  So, I'm stuck wanting to leave this world and can't leave this world.  But, also scared because I worry what will finally push me over the edge.  I don't handle stress, any stress well it makes me go manic and out of control.  So, many pills that don't keep these deep dark moods away, can't get out of bed or don't want to, making dinner--what dinner really the only lucky thing is my kids are old enough to fend for myself.  But, the terrible guilt I have that I can't fix myself or snap out of this.  Just, I'm so tired of it all!  Please, what did I do to deserve this!  Why, did I have to be the one in my family to get it all ADD,OCD,BIPOLAR and be a compulsive picker-cutter.  Couldn't, you have been nicer to me.  What, did I do---please tell them to shut up and go away.  Go, talk to someone else--your very mean and I don't like you.  You, never say a nice thing about me--always how bad I am, nobody loves you, your stupid, you can't do anything, you useless person, you might as well kill yourself, your no good to anyone.  I said SHUT UP!  I don't want to hear you anymore, go away, your not my friend.  I will keep fighting you for my family sake!  Go, away!  So, much pain and really don't know if I can keep going.  Life, is to hard for me!  To, much darkness, to much Pain, to much to handle.  Stop, worrying about everything---who cares if you're kids parnters won't  like you----it will not be happening for probably 10yrs and more.  Stop it! Yes, you will get old and wrinkled---that's life!  I'm sorry for so much rambling but I'm fighting with my head, the thoughts how the thoughts, if only I could quiet them.  Well, wish me luck and also with getting so sleep.  Thank you for letting me get it out of my head. Lou