i am always so slow to talk about good news.  this time it was good to wait. on monday i went to see a social worker, i have to take steps to see a doctor. i truely do not like see/ talking to anyone about my life but in order to get treatment for my hep c (the med for it tend to make people very depressed and sucidal) and with my history the doctor will not do anything til i am see a pdoc and am on meds. well monday went well. and i had an appointment to see a pdoc next monday. Had!!-, the social worker called today to tell me she could not see me again until i see a social worker who deals with people who are on drugs. ..i have been clean for over a year, been in rehab, and everything(i explained all of this to her). i have moved on from that part of my life. and haveing to pay money that i dont have to see someone who i am going to tell her what she wants to hear so i dont have to see her again is not worth it. i keep trying to get a pdoc or something so that i can get sarted with the treatmen and get it over with..i dont want to have to keep acting like everything is fine. i just want to be myself, i dont want to have to keep it all inside. my parents, my bf parents my brother, my doctor...i have to act to all of them. just so they will be ok with me getting treatment. i feel if i dont get this treatment then i am just going to feel worse in the long run. currently i take pain meds just to get through the day, no cutting no drinking, and i cant go anywhere alone without getting questioned about everything, i know they are trying to care to make up for lost time but i cant deal with it,. i am almost at the point were just moveing will help just so i cant be alone, just so i dont have to deal(in a differernt time this would of meant killing myself,) but i have moved on i am trying to live and eveyone is just makeing it so hard...