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| I know that I have come so far the last five years. But being Bipolar means at any time the other shoe could drop. And it finnally has. My parents once again triggered me. Why do I allow them in my live at all. I want to cut them out of my life forever. But for some twisted reason I allow them to trigger me once again. Why at my age do I even care. So now I am in a mixed state cycling out of control. Thoughts of taking my life slip into my mind. I have to watch my ever thought so I can sort out the irrashinal ones. I don't want to loose that, know irrashinal from rashinal is my only protection right now.And of course there is the racing thoughts and short bursts of mania. I guess this is the one place I can say what is happening to me. I can not tell even my closes friends. My DH is showing signs of concern. He sees the changes he knows the signs. I look back at my life and am so sad that I could not have been a better person a normal person without the drama. | | Background assembled by tagsby·mel Artistic-Designs | |
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| I didn't sleep well last night about one hour. That is a sure sign that I am in trouble. But I do feel some what better yet frail. This webset page was created using one of the many auto-scripters available at Chat_Central_Gateway All rights reserved KENDOC 2005 | | | |
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| | From:  Rain7s1 | Sent: 1/11/2008 8:54 PM |
(((((Deb))))) hang in there, hon. Don't give up. Sometimes I let my own daughter trigger me and I don't know why. We are here for you as always. You need to talk. Are you in touch with your pdoc? I'm so glad your dh is aware of what is going on. Keep in touch. Keep posting. I am thinking of you and pulling for you. Love and hugs, Rain. |
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((((Deb)))) You are doing the best thing you can do hun. You are staying on top of it by being aware of what you are feeling and comeing to the boards and getting it out, I'm so proud of you hun. As Rain said we are here for you hun. It's not an easy road, and when one triggers us it's a hard road to travel. We must decide what we can live with and what we can not. I also am glad that DH is on top of things and can see the signs and knows what is going on and keeping an eye on you. You say you look back and wish you could of been a better person, well hun you are and have been a wonderful person, if you had not been, DH would not still be there with you. I have Knowen you for many years also, and you've had a realy rough time of it hun, but that makes you no less of a person. You need to stop puttign yourself down, they did that enough of that, don't reinforce any more of it. I have a couple of things I want you to do that I will tell you about the next time we talk. Take care of yourself and keep comeing to the boards. Vent all you want and need to hun, we are here for you. Love & hugs! Butterfly~Janice |
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Deb, MAybe you should get ahold of your pdr on Mon if things dont' get any better for you hun. And in the mean time if you need me you know how to get ahold of me, please feel free to do so. Do you have anythign to help with sleep, as you need slepp, lack of sleep as you already know isn't any good and will drag us down and can bring us to a danger piont. I'm not sure what happend to start all of this, but maybe you can stop, and don't think about your parents and what they have done to trigger you right now. Just think about you and what you have to do right now to get past this and bring yourself back again. Let's fight this demon together Deb. I'm here for you! Keep me posted e-mail me or get ahold of me. Love & Hugs! Butterfly~Janice |
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| I was able to talk today to my pdoc's and she happens to be my couson on my father's side. She is very aware of my father and mother. She called the doc and they have upped my meds and are working very close with me to make sure I can get through this. I have cut off contact with my parents. And I did sleep about two hours today. I am still in a mixed state. But at least I am rashinal enough to know that I am. It helps me be able to fight. Thank you all for your support. This is the one place I have been able to turn to and know that I have people that care and do not judge me. I will keep you updated. I am going to try to get out of the house tommorrow with Mark and get some air and things off my mind. I hate the racing thoughts I know I am in for another long night. Huggers,
Deb | | Background assembled by tagsby·mel Artistic-Designs | |
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