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The crash is coming, started a couple of hours ago, deeper and deeper into therapy-I have the beastrice inside me and they are getting closer to purging it out of my system. But I have layers, hard core layers hard to penetrate. Horrors, nightmares, flashes, 4am spelling bees with myself as a diversion, getting close to being admitted full time.. The anger is starting to fill up inside me-what do I have to offer what do I really want why can't I answer these questions. I dont want to have to "settle" nor do I want someone to "settle" for me. The realization is too much right now. txcc |
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txcupcake, sounds to me like ya need to stop asking so many questions right now when ya can't handel the question or trying to figure the ansewer. Think of how ya can handel ya self with out a bad crash! Have ya been sleeping at all! We need to get our proper sleeep, eat right, and excerzie. Take a walk get fresh air into ya lungs and mind! I'm sorry ya have such a bad time right now, wish I could take all of ya pain away from ya and carry it myself, if I could I would in a heart beat! I wish ya the best! Love Ya! The Butterfly~Janice |
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Hi Janice, Thank you so much for your support and words of wisdom. If I am not better in the next couple of days I am going to be admitted. The Beast ( I call her Beastrice)is 1/2 of me who right now is winning the war against my other 1/2 who is the happy girl. In my mind I have been severely punishing myself for living through the accident and my friend did not. When I lost my leg-I saw it as partial payment for her death and that full payment would not be complete until I was "gone" My therapist told me today that the bad beastrice and me cant co-exist-1 has to go and it has to be the one who is causing all my problems. I have promised to call the hotline if it gets any hotter....Please keep my in your prayers. |
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