In summary,  abuse can happen to men and women. Don't stay in an abusiive relationship.

Thanks for stopping by SOLO for Singles. Please mark as favorite and come again soon.

Women and Abuse

Verbal Abuse

Many men are obviously verbally cruel and abusive. Others are more subtle.

Although verbal abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-image. Verbal abuse is cruel and scars your soul.

Many women never discuss verbal abuse. Indeed, some do not even recognize that they are being verbally abused.

Often a verbal abuser is quite sensitive to outsiders finding out about the abuse and is very careful to save these scenes for the home environment only. Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming men in public. They treat their spouse or girlfriend with such respect that people often think they "are the perfect couple." They save their cruelty for a private audience of one.

Why do intelligent, warm women permit verbal abuse from boyfriends and later from spouses?

During the courtship period, everyone is on their best behavior. The verbal abuse is slight and probably few and far between. Since women want to believe the best of their lovers, they overlook obvious verbal abuse. Chemistry adds to the capability women have to overlook the first subtle signs of abuse.

Then they marry or move in together.

One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As women begin to internalize the criticism and believe it's valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent, unlovable. After all, when someone who knows them so well thinks they are so worthless and unlovable, then "it must be true."

Sticks and stones ... and that saying of old keeps many women in place until verbal abuse has destroyed self-esteem, making leaving even harder. They even start thinking that if this man loves them, they should hold on to him.

The fact that verbal abusers are quite often charming people adds to the confusion. The abuser can turn on the charm with the woman he is abusing, making her doubt her instincts.

If the woman does challenge the abuser, he might answer with, " What's wrong with you, making such a big deal out of nothing." or "Come on, honey, I was drunk ..... I had a bad day at work .....I was upset with my ex, etc. You know I didn't mean anything I said. I'm the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you--remember."

If you are in a verbally abusive relationship, start by acknowledging the abuse. This is not an easy thing to do, especially as your self-esteem is weakened. Outside help may be necessary because family, friends, and relatives are often under the spell of your "charmer" and don't offer belief or support. They think you are crazy not to marry this man.

Make plans to create a better environment for yourself.  Don't stay too long, though, because every time your self-esteem sinks further, you lessen your chances of actually leaving. Remember, verbal abuse, can and sometimes does, turn physical.

Verbal abuse escalates. Physical abuse escalates.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse of women in domestic violence is well-documented. Health care and law enforcement professionals are trained to look for abuse of women.

In addition, shelters, counseling, and other help is readily available for the asking.

Yet single women are battered, injured, and even killed by their boyfriends each year. Low self-esteem, denial, a feeling that "things will get better," fear for her children, etc. are the reasons single women stay in abusive relationships.

A Quiz

• **Do you needimmediate police protection
• **Do you needa safe shelter?
• Do you have a plan in case the danger escalates and you decide to leave your husband or boyfriend?
• Is he extremely jealous of you?
• Are you spending most of your time trying not to make him mad?
• **Does your partner keep a gun or other weapon in your home?
• **Is he abusing alcohol or drugs?
• Is or has he threatened your children or other family members?
• **Did he grow up in a violent family?
• **Do you believe he's capable of killing you?

** If your answer is "yes" to any of these problems, you may be in serious danger and should seek help now!!

Men and Abuse

How would you guys like to don a dress and then ride a donkey backwards down the main street of your town? Everyone could line the street snickering and making fun of you.

I doubt if you would even consider it. Yet, in medieval France, a man who had been physically abused by his wife was forced to do this so everyone could see how weak he was.

We probably all accept the fact that both men and women can be the victim of emotional abuse. The "hen-pecked" man has been the brunt of jokes forever.

Physical abuse is another story. In our society we think of women as the victims and men as the aggressors in physical abuse.

But that is not true. Equally as many, if not more, men are assaulted by their girlfriends or wives as vice versa.

A 1997 survey conducted among dating couples showed almost 30% of women admitting that they had used some form of physical aggression against their male partners within the dating cycle.  This runs counter to official documentation of female abuse against men.

Why?

1. Less men report abuse. They are ashamed to report being abused by women.

2. Health care and law enforcement professionals are more likely to accept alternative explanations of bruises and other signs of injury from a man.

3. Our justice system sometimes takes the word of the woman above the word of the man. It is just more believable that the aggressor was the man, not the woman.

4. Men will tolerate more pain than women. They are more likely to "grin and bear it." And again, many are ashamed to seek medical help.

5. Unless a woman uses a weapon (and many do), a woman usually does not have the strength of a man.

Our society still sees women as nonviolent peacemakers, the victims of men, perhaps, but not as aggressors against men. The fact that women are more likely to be severely injured in domestic violence adds to the problem of recognizing male abuse.

Health care professionals often do not even think of abuse as a potential explanation. When they see an injury, they accept even a fairly lame explanation. For example, on seeing a  bruised man, they are quick to accept a work-related accident or "a week-end game of football with the guys."

Men find it harder to discuss pain then women and even harder to admit to being a victim. In addition, men often have more hazardous occupations than women and certainly show more physical aggression to each other than women show to other women. All of this makes it easy for the health care professional to accept an injury explanation other than domestic violence.

Even a mugging might be more acceptable than a female beating. Unless the report is of a woman wielding an iron skillet, of course.

When a man does report domestic violence, he often encounters law enforcement professionals who are quick to believe his female aggressor rather than him.

If it seems pretty unbelievable that a single female would stay in an abusive relationship, why would a single male?

Abused men are as likely as their female counterparts to have low self-esteem. In addition, a male victim also has to deal with the examination of  his masculinity.

Men and women often come to believe that it is their fault that they are abused; they are somehow responsible for what happened.

Men are also in denial! This should not happen to man, therefore it is not happening.

And men, as well as women, hope things will get better. The woman he "loves" will quit when they are better adjusted, or her job is not so frustrating, or the children get more responsible. Pretty much the same excuses women make for remaining with men. who batter them.