You may have been the one who was laid off, but your job loss touches the lives of everyone around you. Your family members are dealing with concerns and fears of their own. To make a successful career comeback, you'll need their support. But it's a two-way street. You have to give it to get it.

You can't control how others treat you, so instead of worrying about what they can do for you, focus on what you actually can control. Start by looking at your family's needs.

• Share your feelings.

Some unemployed professionals mistakenly believe it's best if they don't talk about their job loss or negative feelings. Not true.

It's natural to want to appear strong for your family. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. You want to be the rock, the steady, unflappable force that everyone else can depend on and look to for support. But in a crisis, clamming up and becoming silent isn't a sign of strength.

You don't spare your family any pain by bottling up emotions or refusing to talk about the elephant in the room. In fact, it takes strength to let others share your pain and help you through it. Events such as a job loss can either bring a family together or tear it apart. If you establish open communication in the beginning, the little things won't become big things. Remember, bad news isn't like wine; it doesn't get better with age.

• Find out what worries them most.

Everyone views a job loss differently. Your spouse or partner may wonder what it means to your finances and your dreams of retirement or remodeling the house. Will he or she have to go back to work or will you lose the house? Your kids may wonder if they'll have to change schools, move or leave their friends. If your children are older, they might be concerned about paying for college.

Remember that you aren't the only one who may be anxious or scared. Ask your partner what his or her greatest concerns or fears are. Don't respond immediately. Allow your partner to list them all and explain or elaborate. Don't dismiss these issues, even if they seem trivial. Knowing the triggers that can upset your partner can help you address them. When possible, discuss each matter as directly and honestly as possible. Let your partner know how you plan to tackle each one. If you don't know or lack an answer, say so.

• Be optimistic, but realistic.

Optimism is important, but so is pragmatism. You don't want to be the prophet of doom, but you want to give a positive yet realistic assessment of your progress, prospects and financial and emotional status. The people close to you are as emotionally involved in your job search as you are. They rise with the highs and sink with the lows. They get as excited as you do when you secure an interview or promising lead and are equally disappointed when an opportunity doesn't pan out or you receive a rejection letter.

It's crucial to temper everyone's expectations, as well as your own. Be positive and enthusiastic, but don't offer false hope to keep family members from worrying. Be realistic. If an interview went well and looks promising, say so. If you truly feel that it was a bust, or if a lead or contact wasn't as helpful as you had hoped, it's all right to say that, too.

• Don't be a couch potato.

One career expert advises unemployed professionals to tell their families that breaks from their job hunts ("periods of inactivity") are actually time for reflection, and that you should ask to be cut some slack as you regroup. I don't know about you, but I don't think my wife would have taken it well if during my job search, she'd come home to find me on the couch, with the Cheetos and the remote control..."reflecting." Second only to you actually finding a job, your family wants you to be actively looking for a job.

What drives family and friends crazy is you seeming to give up or, worse, waiting for the stars and moon to align so the "right" opportunity can jump up and bite you on your derriere. Too many job seekers "overthink" their situations, "overprepare" or use every excuse for why "now" isn't a good time to do anything. This includes sitting around waiting for the recruiter to call, the holidays to be over, your contact to return from vacation, the economy to improve, budgets to be approved, an introduction to come through or monkeys to fly. In lieu of you getting an offer, your loved ones want to see some action.

• Realize that your partner is defending you.

Does it bug you when people ask, "Have you found anything yet?" or "How is the search going?" It can get old after a while, especially if your job hunt is prolonged or there's no progress to report. However, the number of people who inquire pales in comparison to the number who ask your loved ones these questions.

You'll never know exactly how many people ask because your partner acts as a bodyguard, fielding questions from people who care about you or are simply inquisitive, but don't want to bother you. Instead of allowing them to bombard you with questions, your spouse shields you by answering, "No, not yet," "She has a few leads," or "She has an interview lined up." But rest assured that he or she is confronted with your job loss every time someone asks about you.

It isn't just questions. Partners often take the brunt of every armchair career guru, nosy neighbor or pushy mother-in-law with an opinion on why their loved one isn't gainfully employed yet. Most job seekers never know the pressure their partners endure, because the partners won't speak up, and they shouldn't. But realize that they take a bullet for you every time someone asks about you.

Now that you know this, you can start to understand that joblessness is hard on partners in ways that you may never see or think about. What can you do about it? Not much. We'll always defend the ones we love. But occasionally a simple, "Thank you for supporting me and believing in me" can be the best reward for a partner...outside of you getting a job, of course.

• Respect your family members' space.

A job loss can throw a wrench into the works of a family's usual routine. Your loved ones simply aren't used to having you around. Don't take it badly or be hurt by this. They love you and would rather have you home than at the office or on a plane...at least for now.

This isn't to say that the kids should run wild and scream while you're making calls or monopolize the Web connection when you should be sending e-mail or searching job boards. However, you need to respect their boundaries and routines.

Claiming the kitchen table as your personal workspace, as if it were the Oklahoma Land Rush can inconvenience everyone. Find out the routine and needs of each person . You also should discuss what you need as well.

Don't hover or pester family members while they're going about their usual business. If you have an office or another location to go to, you might take advantage of it for everyone's sanity. (If you're working with an outplacement firm, find out if it makes workspaces available to its clients.) Give them the space they need, even if it means going to the library or Starbucks for a while.