Do men and women love differently?
Brehm (1985) has a good summary of the research. On Rubin's (1973) Liking Scale, females tend to like their partners better than males do. Moreover, women fall in love more often, report more intense feelings (feeling euphoric and wanting to scream), are ready to marry earlier, love more often when it isn't returned, think love is more rewarding, and idealize the partner more than males do. In spite of the fact that women have more loves and more intense romantic experiences (their perceptions and behaviors are more affected by their affection), males score higher on the Romanticism Scales than females and they fall in love earlier in a relationship. Almost 25% of males are "in love" before the fourth date, only 15% of females are. In fact, 50% of women take over 20 dates to decide they are in love. There is also some evidence that males hurt more than females during a break up, but individuals vary greatly.
Both males and females score about the same on the Love Scale and they experience love at first sight about equally often (54% of women and 63% of men believe in love at first sight). It would seem that men and women love each other about the same amount but perhaps in different ways. Men may be more naive (lacking experience?) and believe more of the nonsense on the Romanticism Scales, like "there is only one real love for a person" or "true love leads to almost perfect happiness" or "a person should marry whomever he/she loves regardless of social position." Women may be wiser (as long as their strong emotions have not overwhelmed their reason) and/or forced by socioeconomic reality to be slightly more careful and practical about whom they fall in love with, have sex with, and marry.
The more rewarding relationships are more likely to continue (unhappy ones may, of course, continue if the partners see no alternative). Also, giving the partner full credit for his/her contributions makes for a happier relationship. Unfortunately, about 75% of the time a partner over-estimates his or her contribution to daily activities, like cooking, cleaning, planning activities, etc. This indicates he/she is not giving full credit to his/her partner. It's also possible to disagree about the value of an activity, such as sweeping the floor or hugging the partner. Indeed, males and females have a major difference of opinion here. Males think positive activities, like washing the dishes, are more important than positive affection, like kissing. Women think just the opposite. Thus, when one man was told by a therapist to go home and do something affectionate towards his wife, he washed her car! His wife considered the car wash helpful but not at all affectionate. He saw it as a great way to show his love for her. Many traditional men would sincerely say, "I show her I love her by supporting her." Both men and women need to be aware of this difference. Men could say, "Sweetheart, I washed your car to say 'I love you'." Women could tell themselves "washing the car is how he shows his love for me." One way or another, both sexes need to be clearly told "I love you" often.
Of course, there are many differences in how males and females view love and relationships. For women, intimacy means talking; for men, a relationship means doing things together ("all she wants to do is talk"). Women value relationships more than men, especially relationships with parents. Women value most his income potential and fidelity and her ties to family and friends; men value most her sexuality and nurturance and their shared interests. Women complain more about the relationship and problems; men think "everything's fine." Women want to resolve disagreements; men want to avoid them.