In This Chapter

meeting new people

street in Manhattan during the lunchtime rush on a pleasant

summer day. Assume you’re a single woman, divorced six months

ago, in your late 30s or early 40s, and finally ready to start dating

again.

You scan the crowd. Half are women. Of the men, some are way too

young, too old, or too unattractive, but among the 200 or so people

in your field of vision, 15 or so, may be age and gender appropriate.

And within that 15, you see three that strike you as datable. What do

you do? Do you go up to each of them and ask them if they’re single,

straight, and interested in a date this Saturday? And even if you had

the courage to do just that, would you really want to date a complete

stranger? By the time you had the courage to walk over to him, he

may have already headed back to work, and you just missed him and

the two other prospects across the street. This is the dilemma of

modern urban adult singles. Dates (and maybe even mates) are out

there, but where? And in any case, how many dates can you go on

before randomly stumbling into a match?

Now imagine this alternate reality: You log on XYZ-onlinedating.com.

You run a search of the database of prospects that sound suitable to

you: a man, divorced, living within 25 miles (40km) from your home,

about 5-feet-10-inches (180cm) tall, weight 160 to180 lbs (70�?0 kg),

with a master’s degree and children. The search returns 75

prospects, of which 55 have photos.

Scanning the photos, you find five who are extremely attractive, 15

more whose looks appeal to you, five more who give you a so-so

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chemical response, and the rest, you couldn’t imagine dating. Of

the 20 or so that pique your interest, you read their personal

essays and preferences in women. Half of the essays are pretty

lame, but a few show signs of life. In fact, after reading the essays

of some of the guys you didn’t think were visually interesting, you

find a couple more who seem to have enough upstairs to make up

for their apparent visual weakness. You write to a few, and a few

respond. You’ve done this all in about two hours from your kitchen

and in your pajamas, late at night.

Both scenarios are completely realistic. In each case, appropriate

singles are out there but in the first case, you simply don’t know

who they are. Even if they held up signs saying “I’m available,�?you

wouldn’t know anything about them. So making contact is a double

crapshoot. What are the odds that you will pick out a good, single

one before you confidence goes below sea level?

Adding a Little Order

to Your Dating

Traditional dating is fundamentally random. Consider this:

By sheer luck, you’re invited to a party. By chance, you meet a

friend there. The friend is talking to someone who is single. You

find the person physically interesting. He or she also shows signs

of interest. You start a conversation that goes well. The party ends.

One of you has the courage to propose exchanging phone numbers.

You have a second date. You find out more about this person.

You like what you see. So does he or she. And so on and so on.

Notice that if, at any step along the way, you realize you’re not a

match, you quit and wait until another random event (like the

party) occurs and you try again.

Considering the advantages of online dating, especially when compared

to finding a mate in the nonvirtual world, we are amazed

that the human race has managed to propagate without the benefit

of computers up to this point in time.

Internet dating offers these benefits:

and looking for some kind of companionship, so that

embarrassing question “are you in a relationship�?is assumed

to be “no�?

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of data about each prospect (age, height, location, education,

vocation, children, religion, and so on) before you exchange

word one. (Dating sites that use personality profiles provide

even more advanced data.)

(depending on the dating site).

without ever revealing your identify, until you’re comfortable

doing so.

to be little interest after initial contacts.

dinner at a moderate-priced restaurant.

No other form of dating compares in its ability to bring so many

available singles together with tons of information about each, and

it provides a quick and efficient way to ferret out matches.

Why Online Dating Is a Good Idea

You’re reading this book, so you’re at least intrigued by the concept

of online dating. If you’re not sure if this mode of dating is

right for you, the next few sections offer some selling points, and if

you need more convincing, check out the rest of Part I.

An almost limitless supply

of people are online

Remember the earlier example about meeting someone at a

is it that you find yourself in a situation where you’re surrounded

by age-appropriate singles? Online, you’re surrounded

by age-appropriate singles every time you log on. And if you

don’t find enough people at one site, you can go to any of hundreds

of other sites, or you can simply wait a while and a new

crop of singles will have signed on.

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In effect the number of potential matches is essentially limitless

and perpetually changing. Compare that to your current social circles.

In addition to college, when was the last time you were

exposed to a few hundred age-appropriate matches?

Internet dating is way

more convenient than

traditional dating

When was the last time you prospected for dates in your pajamas

at 3 a.m.? The whole concept of virtual dating is that the community

of single prospects is available to you whenever you want to

meet them. For people with day jobs, children, and other social

obligations, prospecting online at odd hours is the only way to go.

Not only can you log on at odd hours, but you also can log on for

short amounts of time. In our example of the party, you have to

dress up and commit to several hours of socializing with the possibility

of not even meeting one age-appropriate single. You know

who is age appropriate online, and you can initiate contact in ten

minutes and log off. Then log on again later or the next day and see

if you got a response.

You can parallel-date at warp speed

In our party example, your odds of striking up a conversation with

two or three? Well, your chances are right up there with being

hit by a meteorite.

Online, you can certainly initiate contact with multiple prospects

at the same time because the process of initiating contact is so

simple. Then you can engage them in e-mail and phone exchanges

until you can determine which, if any, are worth dating. If none,

you just go back to the trough.

Some “brilliant�?mastermind once said dating is a “numbers game.�?/FONT>