Singles and Alcohol: A Humorous Look at a Serious Safety Issue
Due to increasing products liability litigation, liquor manufacturers the world over have accepted the American FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers:
1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see someone really scary sharing your bed.
2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in getting your a.. kicked.
3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex and even converse without spitting.
8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the h.. happened to your bra.
9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in singles who dance like a retard.
10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. It may also cause you to tell a single you just met you love him/her.
11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
All kidding aside:
15. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in the deaths of singles who drink, then drive themselves home.
Don't Drink and Drive!