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Topic Q & A's : Could you stay with a loved one who had been unfaithful to you?
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Recommend  Message 1 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSilken2004  (Original Message)Sent: 8/29/2006 9:06 AM
Could you stay with someone who had been unfaithful to you?  Would your choice be different if you discovered the unfaithfulness had been 10 years before and was only for a brief while?  If you could stay, what would it take for you to get over it?

I am
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First  Previous  2-13 of 13  Next  Last 
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Recommend  Message 2 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameTopmechanic2000Sent: 8/29/2006 10:36 AM
Yes I could.
No it wouldn't.
Time and talk.

Reply
Recommend  Message 3 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameCocopuff10001Sent: 8/29/2006 1:11 PM
Ditto what Top said.  Every person I have dated for any length of time has been unfaithful.  I have pondered it trying to figure out why, and I don't think it has anything to do with me, except for the fact that I am not really a jealous person and place way to much faith in others.  Yes I would stay, and if much time had passed it would probably be even a little easier to move on, and like Top said, talk, reassurances, probably a little venting on my part and the expectation of patience from the wanderer, probably a little territorial behavior on my part because of trust issues, but in time it might be okay.  It's a hard thing to get over. 
coco

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Recommend  Message 4 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLadyinKansas2Sent: 8/29/2006 8:19 PM
For me this one is pretty cut and dried.  You cheat....I leave.  No question about it. Even if it was 10 years ago....I am now gone.
  I am a woman who puts ALOT of faith and trust into a person I am in a relationship with, and betrayal, regardless of when it happened or why it happened is still a betrayal.  It is a betrayal of my love, my trust, my faith, my belief in our relationship.  And without ALL of those things there is no relationship.
   I finally learned in my life that LIFE IS TOO SHORT and taking from my past experiences I now know I would waste not one moment on a person who would lie ( because when you cheat you are lying) and betray my trust in them.
   If you are so unhappy, if things are so bad that you feel you must turn to another then you need to get out of that relationship.  There is NO reason to hurt someone so badly, no reason to intentionally damage anymore what was once important to you both.
    My ex husband was a cheater, and being "in love" with him I just KNEW I could forgive him, I just knew our marriage could be fixed and we would get past this.  What I didnt count on was my inability to move past it.  HE did, but I couldnt ever get it out of my head or my heart completely.  There was a level of distrust that once never existed.  And after a couple years of trying, and God knows I tried, I simply could never forgive him for what he had done.  So.......I left.  I truly and deeply loved this man and he let me down in a way that with time I discovered FOR ME was simply unforgivable.
     Not everyone reacts this way I know, and some if not many couples are able to reach a point they can forgive and rebuild their relationship.  But I for one am not willing to give it that time.  I have a limited time on this earth, and my past has taught me that I am not one to move past this kind of thing.  I am not willing to spend my time with someone who thinks so little of me or our relationship that they feel the need, for whatever reason, to turn to someone else and jeapordize everything we have together for a fling, a few moments of whatever an affair gives you.
     I have been married for 5 years now to my husband and I can tell you without a doubt if I were to ever find out that at any time, past, present, or future he was unfaithful to me I would pack up and be gone.  I can with all honesty say it wouldnt matter if we had been married 5 minutes or 50 years.......I am leaving.  He knows this, we discuss it still,  I made it clear from the beginning. 
    No matter how bad things get in a relationship IF that relationship with that person means anything at all to you, in my opinion, you will do what it takes to work through those problems WITH EACH OTHER, not turn to anothers bed for comfort.
    This is a real hot button issue for me, which I am sure comes from my past experiences, but one I stand firm and clear on.
    I am in a relationship with ONE person and would never cheat.  Now that is not to say it hasnt crossed my mind, or had the chance to do just that, because it has.  BUT I knew right then IF I took that road my marriage was over.  Not because maybe HE wouldnt or couldnt forgive me but because I couldnt forgive me.  And if the marriage is broken to the point I want or need someone else then it is time for me to move on and move out. 
    I expect in return what I give........and it is non- negotiable to me. 
 
And that folks is my rather lengthy response to this thread....LOL.
 
                                                       Lady

Reply
Recommend  Message 5 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameratsolosmsnSent: 8/30/2006 6:18 AM
no, I couldn stay with someone who be unfaithful.
If i found out later that she'd cheated years prior, no that dont matter cuz its a betrayal of trust and how many other times in that span of time has she been less than honest about important shit.  I wouldn stay, if the love and i mean real love ain't there, me an lucky will go look elsewhere..

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Recommend  Message 6 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGreat_Big_Hockey_BuffSent: 8/30/2006 5:41 PM
I guess I'm old fashioned but cheating is a cardinal sin,the ultimate sin.Knowing that another man has "been there" and my wife willfully engaging would just make me sick to my stomach,and the relationship would definately be over! No forgiveness,I could never sleep with my wife again.The bond that holds us together has been violated,the relationship is dead.

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Recommend  Message 7 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSilken2004Sent: 8/31/2006 12:28 PM
This is one area where to be completely truthful, I have NOT lived up to my values and ideals... For as much as I have declared that the guy who cheats on me gets kicked to the curb, I have tolerated it, tried to forgive it and lived in that huge rolling gut-pain that results when next he is going out the door and my trust is involved... I have often wondered who suffers more.. the deceiver or the deceived when the affair is discovered...
 
Here again, my age factors into how I feel about this because at THIS stage of my life, I figure any guy my age who hasn't sown his wild oats by now, is never going to be satisfied with any one woman... so my standards are higher than they have ever been...
 
There is nothing... and I mean nothing SOOO painful to me as being unable to trust or respect someone I am still in love with and that is what gets lost if I find out someone has cheated.  I can literally feel the warm tenderness I have for them curl up like a dying leaf in my chest and each curl cuts me like a knife... That is because if I am in a committed relationship, I am always entirely devoted to it and expecting the same of my partner.
 
So.. could I stay?  Yes I could... but he has just changed us from operating our lives smoothly and without fear to being people who are in pain, hyper-vigilant and having to check and measure every thing that happens for a very long time... It is this that is hard for me to forgive... There are just way too many alternatives and choices for any person who is feeling unhappy or restless inside a relationship... even the one that involves saying good-bye and wishing each other good lives... rather than cheating.
 
The "reasons" for unfaithfulness really are absurd... "It was just a mistake"... (No Honey.. a mistake is when you forget your car keys.. it is NOT when you throw your clothes off in another woman's apartment)... "You drove me into another woman's arms" (okay... I'll get my keys and drive you back there again then...where does she live?)... "We didn't MEAN for it to happen"... (so you just fell into each other's bodies did you?) or my all time favorite.. "I was drunk.. I don't remember"... (perhaps a sudden jar to your noggin would help??? I can help you with that...)...
 
No... there's no excuse.. none.. nada... zip!  And some things... well ... some things are up to God to forgive..
 
Silken
 
 
 

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Recommend  Message 8 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname搂薪褍邪谢谢Sent: 8/31/2006 8:51 PM
I hold alot of trust and faith in Rat... If I ever found out (and I most definately would, I am always watchin) he was cheating on me in one form or another, I would be done... No point in being in a relationship if one or the other partner cannot be trusted, respected, expected to be loyal, or whathaveya... I would expect the same views from my partner about me...

Reply
Recommend  Message 9 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLadyinKansas2Sent: 10/16/2006 3:39 AM
Lets see if we can get some more feedback from our other roomies on these topics.......anyone willing?

Reply
Recommend  Message 10 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameemeraldlassie01Sent: 10/30/2006 1:21 AM
This has happened to me twice (at least)
in the 2 long term relationships that I've had.  Each time something inside me died and I was never able to trust them again.
Each time I left.
Em

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Recommend  Message 11 of 13 in Discussion 
From: bellaSent: 10/30/2006 1:47 AM
I have always said when I get into a relationship, "if you need to be with someone else, leave first".  There is obviously something lacking in the relationship in the first place.  One 4 year relationship I was in, by the time I clued in that he was cheating, he had been with her for 1 1/2 years.  That hurt more than the fact he cheated.  Deep down I knew we weren't gonna be forever but trying to fix him, I thought it would change!   I also have been on the otherside of the fence, something I am not proud of but I knew long before I left that it was over.  Just took me a long time to get out.

Reply
Recommend  Message 12 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameamadsenSent: 10/30/2006 11:40 PM
For me - it's easy
No
If you can't trust each other in a relationship, the relationship is over.

Reply
Recommend  Message 13 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameEmeraldlassie0Sent: 6/15/2007 2:47 PM
Again I still could not stay with someone who cheated on me. I don't think that behavior would ever change.  If a spouse or partner had been so cruel and deceitful in the first place and had devastated their partner plus lied and denied it , it would happen again.
 
If I was married and found out I had been cheated on 10 years ago I'd leave.  The trust is gone and I have learnt the hard way twice now.  Once a cheat always a cheat.
 
I think the only things that will me are time, patience and finding that right person I deserve.
Em
 
 

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