For me this one is pretty cut and dried. You cheat....I leave. No question about it. Even if it was 10 years ago....I am now gone.
I am a woman who puts ALOT of faith and trust into a person I am in a relationship with, and betrayal, regardless of when it happened or why it happened is still a betrayal. It is a betrayal of my love, my trust, my faith, my belief in our relationship. And without ALL of those things there is no relationship.
I finally learned in my life that LIFE IS TOO SHORT and taking from my past experiences I now know I would waste not one moment on a person who would lie ( because when you cheat you are lying) and betray my trust in them.
If you are so unhappy, if things are so bad that you feel you must turn to another then you need to get out of that relationship. There is NO reason to hurt someone so badly, no reason to intentionally damage anymore what was once important to you both.
My ex husband was a cheater, and being "in love" with him I just KNEW I could forgive him, I just knew our marriage could be fixed and we would get past this. What I didnt count on was my inability to move past it. HE did, but I couldnt ever get it out of my head or my heart completely. There was a level of distrust that once never existed. And after a couple years of trying, and God knows I tried, I simply could never forgive him for what he had done. So.......I left. I truly and deeply loved this man and he let me down in a way that with time I discovered FOR ME was simply unforgivable.
Not everyone reacts this way I know, and some if not many couples are able to reach a point they can forgive and rebuild their relationship. But I for one am not willing to give it that time. I have a limited time on this earth, and my past has taught me that I am not one to move past this kind of thing. I am not willing to spend my time with someone who thinks so little of me or our relationship that they feel the need, for whatever reason, to turn to someone else and jeapordize everything we have together for a fling, a few moments of whatever an affair gives you.
I have been married for 5 years now to my husband and I can tell you without a doubt if I were to ever find out that at any time, past, present, or future he was unfaithful to me I would pack up and be gone. I can with all honesty say it wouldnt matter if we had been married 5 minutes or 50 years.......I am leaving. He knows this, we discuss it still, I made it clear from the beginning.
No matter how bad things get in a relationship IF that relationship with that person means anything at all to you, in my opinion, you will do what it takes to work through those problems WITH EACH OTHER, not turn to anothers bed for comfort.
This is a real hot button issue for me, which I am sure comes from my past experiences, but one I stand firm and clear on.
I am in a relationship with ONE person and would never cheat. Now that is not to say it hasnt crossed my mind, or had the chance to do just that, because it has. BUT I knew right then IF I took that road my marriage was over. Not because maybe HE wouldnt or couldnt forgive me but because I couldnt forgive me. And if the marriage is broken to the point I want or need someone else then it is time for me to move on and move out.
I expect in return what I give........and it is non- negotiable to me.
And that folks is my rather lengthy response to this thread....LOL.
Lady