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I think it would be fine. I wouldn't think any less of that person for sleeping with me on the first date. However............. Ldy G made me wait .....but didn't realise how much of a patient man I was. |
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The literature I've read indicates that in general, men don't really like it when a woman will put out on a first date, it just doesn't bode well for the relationship. It sets a tone for expectations and it sends the wrong message. When I was younger, I probably would have answered this differently, but time and experience have taught me many lessons, and where this issue is concerned, I think the literature is accurate. Besides, there's something to the anticipation of waiting...... coco |
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Hmmmm...From what I have seen and experienced when I was 18-19 and out on the dating scene...Guys back then used to love it when a girl would put out on the first date, infact they expected it...Then they'd all do the locker room talk about how "Easy" she was etc etc...But if a girl said "NO" then she was considered a "cock tease", playin hard to get..etc.etc and still the guys's would do that "Locker room talk"... Pretty sad really..A girl is damn if she does and she's damned if she doesn't... For me personally when I was that age, I never gave it up to anyone..If ya wanted to date me then you had to wait until "I" was ready until then "To Bad".. and it didn't matter what kind of names I got called or how much he said he loved me was gonna do it either..I didn't bend to pressure..  I wouldn't think less of anyone who decided to put out on the first date and I wouldn't think less of anyone who decided to wait either..When your ready and comfortable with the person your with and know it's time, that's when "You'll" decide. |
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Question for Coco.... you mention how men feel about women who put out on a first date... What do you think of men who put out on a first date??? |
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I believe this is a very personal choice here. There is no right or wrong in this, it is up to the individuals involved. A first date may very well come after knowing each other for some time, and esp in this circumstance I say why not? Now if you literally know nothing of this person, have not spent any amount of time with them or carried on more than a " lets get together" conversation......well I dont know there. I know I would NOT become sexually intimate with anyone under those circumstances. BUT if it was someone I had known for some time or shared time,and conversations with.......I very well might. To me it is important to share more than a sexual attraction with someone before I jump into bed with them. I have the need for more than that, and I wont know if there is more if I dont take some time to seek it out. I dont think any less of someone who does this though, as I stated it is a very personal choice, but I would, if asked, tell someone they should wait, give it time, see what happens. I see a double standard all the time in this. To this day my husband and his friend will talk about his friend's dates and how they all end the same way.......in his bed. To my husband this is perfectly acceptable, yet I hear something in this conversation that tells me his opinion of the women are not exactly high. It is ok for his buddy but the women are just "easy". I asked him once just exactly what makes the difference? His response......." he's a man.......it is to be expected". My argument was well who in the hell is this " man" supposed to do this with if not a woman? Why is it Ok for him but makes them slutty?" Needless to say he really couldn't answer that and no revelations into a mans brain were coming my way anytime soon. Lady |
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Silken, It may be frustrating, but it is true, that men can get away socially with that and not be thought ill of. Supposedly it is "typical" for them to want that and it has little to do with their feelings at the moment, more of a physical release kind of thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure women have the same thoughts and capitilize on them when a ready and willing partner makes himself available. I probably wouldn't think as much of it because I know that sex for many men is not all wrapped up in emotions and "gee I hope she'll respect me in the morning" kind of sentiment. I would consider that a man who didn't want sex on the first date probably had a modicum of respect for both himself and me by not expecting it. Call me old, but as I said, I've been through some stuff and experience has taught me that it's better to wait and find out what you are dealing with before giving something as precious as your body away. coco |
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Well... I admit.. the older I get, the more the different sexual-behavior standards set down for men and women annoys me... If there weren't so damn many hills, I'd pick one of them to fight and die on... It isn't that the differing standards are particularly detrimental to me as an individual but I think they are quite responsible for the divorces, latch-key kids, poverty and all of the other stuff that amounts to the fallout of these changing times... And I agree with Lady & Coco's view that despite our so-called "liberation", there are many who still think less of a woman for sleeping with someone on a first date than they would ever think of a man who does so... As far as I am concerned, both people (male or female) are seriously narrowing the possibility of a blossoming friendship when they allow their physical attraction to one another to trump over that important ingredient... And I agree that many men (not all but many) think they have more of a right to be responsive to their own sexual needs than their female counterparts do... That doesn't make them right.. but it is what a woman can end up trying to cope with if their partner turns out to be a guy who thinks that way... I hope that as our brains evolve, the next generations will be a lot fairer and a lot smarter than ours and previous generations have been... I look forward to continuing views from the good minds in this community on this topic... Silken |
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| | | From: bella | Sent: 10/30/2006 3:05 AM |
It truely depends on what you are after. If its just sexual gratification, go for it. If you are looking for a long term relationship, waiting is much more rewarding. Once you know the person and care about them, you are more apt to be more considerate and passionate towards the other person. You are not just there for gratification, you want to make the other person feel good and there less chance at not performing at your best. |
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