Well we all had to know I would put in my opinion on this one.  This post really caught my eye well simply because I am a depressed person.  I have been in the committed relationship and can maybe give some perspective here.  My ex-husband was a big contributor to my depression because I had to pretty much support his lazy ass.  He didn't like to work and every job he had, he would either quit without having a backup or get fired.  At this lowest point of my life, I even tried to kill myself because I thought that had to be easier than living with this man and seeing my life go to crap anyway.  So where Top says we can be the cause of the other person's depression, well I have to agree.  But the seeds of that depression have to be planted in the first place for that to really happen. 

 

Now I don't know what my ex-husband was feeling at the time because I don't think he wanted to worry me but I could tell it was hard for him to live with someone who was constantly depressed so I knew when we seperated it was not only the best thing for me but for him as well.  I was a poisoness personality then and I didn't even like myself so I can imagine the vibes I was giving off to other people.

 

I know there are people out there that use their depression as manipulation and it is so hard to gauge whether or not the depression is real.  I think this is where you need to really ask yourself just how well do you know this person?  You also have to ask yourself how long can you handle the situation?  Is it worth it for you to continue with this?  Becuase in the end, you have to take care of yourself first.

 

Now this part is for the depressed person.  Sometimes a relationship can be the worst thing that you can be in.  I just ended a realtionship because I was finding myself severely depressed and just thought it was not worth it.  So now I find myself back in therapy so I do not make this mistake again.  Once again, you have to think about yourself first.  This may sound selfish to some but it is so true.  To try to make other people happy is just going to make you miserable if you find you are not meeting their expectations.  So this is another area where the other person can be a cause of depression.  It is so hard to live up to that expectation whether it is real or imagined. It is also really hard for a depressed person to trust someone else with what we consider our dirty little secret.  I have a really hard time trying to explain that I am diagnosed with a major depression and still try to make them think I am normal.  They probably end up thinking I am a freak and crazy.  As soon as you say the word therapy, it just makes you look like you are crazy(or in your mind it does anyway)  People tend to look at you differently like you are a fragile piece of glass and they have to be very careful what they say to you.

 

So now that I have rambled on, should you stay or should you go?  Well let me put it to you this way.  If you have had enough and leave and that person does commit suicide, well there was nothing you could have done to stop them.  If you stay and the commit suicide, same thing.  A person that is serious about killing themselves will do it regardless of whether you are there or not.  And I know from personal experience the after effects are tragic.  No matter what, the guilt will be there and you will for the rest of your life question your actions no matter what they were.  If i was there, would they have done it?  If I had given them space, would they have done it?  I have learned that questioning yourself and letting the guilt eat at you will only poison you.  I have asked myself that question every day for the last 16 years and the answer is still the same.  In the end, it is their decision and you have no influence whatsoever over that person.  THEY CHOOSE, NOT YOU.

 

I don't know if this has helped or confused anyone even more but please feel free to ask anything you want.

 

Mish

 

Maybe you need to be committed to be in a relationship, maybe an open relationship would be a good deal! If not just become a lesbian as if I was born a woman I would be!