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LMAO Stuff : Why Women are Crabby?
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Recommend  Message 1 of 2 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname_路拢d每G氓m茂帽茫陇路_1  (Original Message)Sent: 4/4/2006 9:38 PM
Why Women Are Crabby
> We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find
> that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt
> so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable
> training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had
> calluses on our backs.
> Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
> with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone
> crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert
> tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
> Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for
> the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your
> uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with
> his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the
> fuss was about.
> Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers
> and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning
> over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we
> are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us
> steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were
> preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
> Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we
> pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the
> dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle
> of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in
> pain all the way to the ER.
> Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop
> screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar.  Calm down and push.  Just one more good
> push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to
> punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a
> wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
> After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all
> that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into
> walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop
> machines.
> Then come their "Teen Years."  Need I say more?
> When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime
> in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th
> birthday.
> So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother
> of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now
> seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a
> hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head
> off anything that moves.
> Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get
> off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in
> the woods without soaking their socks...
> So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi
> a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"?  Yeah right.  Bite me.

I am
zip code

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Recommend  Message 2 of 2 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLadyinKansas2Sent: 9/14/2006 1:35 AM
LMAO......I am going to move this over to the general board Ldy.......I LOVE THIS!