Happily Ever After?

The honeymoon has ended and you're settling into married life together back in "the real world." Suddenly you're noticing things you never realized about your mate, like the amount of time he spends watching sports on TV, or the way she won't stop talking for five minutes. Little annoyances are grating on your nerves and sometimes your husband or wife seems more like an inconsiderate roommate than the love of your life.

According to Les and Leslie Parrot in Getting Ready for the Wedding (Zondervan Publishing House, 1998) many couples report that the first year of marriage is the most difficult. The commitment of "till death do we part," so exhilarating at first can sometimes feel suffocating. At times, you might feel disillusioned, disappointed, even angry. You may even begin to worry that you've made a mistake. Sometimes you don't feel much love at all towards your spouse; the relationship seems to have gone flat. You may feel jaded about marriage or wonder if you've fallen out of love.

Know that it is natural to feel this way. You are not alone in having doubts, or feeling disappointed as reality clashes with your expectations. However, after this stage of disillusionment can grow deep commitment to your spouse, based on life in the "real world." The honeymoon, or separation from the world, cannot last forever! The love and passion you experienced and extended towards one another can last when you build on a solid foundation and avoid potholes along the way.

Remember the vows you made on your wedding day? Most likely you promised to love your husband or wife even in the event of dire circumstances. Traditional vows include words like "sickness and health" and "for richer or poorer" and so on. These vows are based upon trust, commitment, self-sacrifice and honor. Notice that words like "passion," "attraction," and "happiness" are missing from that last sentence.

Love--true love--is not based on feelings.