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Men Want...... : Do Nice Guys Finish Last? Submitted by Pure Keeper...excellent article.. thanks!
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From: MSN NicknameLadyinKansas2  (Original Message)Sent: 10/1/2005 3:25 AM
Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
  By Ambrose Diaz 
Nice guys finish last. We've all heard the phrase a thousand times. 
I've even offered it as an explanation for some unsuccessful 
relationships. I wonder though, is it just an excuse for other 
Are we just trying to make ourselves feel better when, in fact,
the problem may lie with us and not with the women who prefer
guys who apparently, are not nice? Do men honestly think that 
being nice is a drawback when it comes to women? I think that
 we need to take a good look at ourselves if we've ever uttered
 this phrase as an excuse. Nice Guy Syndrome has become a 
pervasive way of thinking for a certain type of man. I stumbled 
on this quote posted on the Counseling Center For Human 
Development Web site at The University of South Florida: 
 "The nice guy is the person who you trust and feel comfortable 
with, but don't see as 'fun' or 'challenging' or really all that
 'interesting', other than as a friend, of course." I think that quote 
is the classic Nice Guy Syndrome mind-set. It sounds pretty 
reasonable at first blush, but if we look deeper at how the 
"Nice Guys" behave, we'll see some similarities in their thinking
 and actions.  Some of the symptoms of Nice Guy Syndrome: 
 Avoiding Conflicts
A so-called Nice Guy will go out of his way to avoid an argument 
even if he strongly believes he's right. That kind of passivity
doesn't mean that you're nice.  It means that you're a pushover.
It's not the challenge that women really want, it's someone who 
has his own set of opinions and is willing to back them up. 
Having a spine is a good thing鈥?and conflicts are how we learn 
about each other. Deferring to the woman all the time leads to a
stagnation in the relationship and can make a woman feel quite 
alone because when she looks to you for an opinion, all she'll get
back is her own. 
Placing Women On Pedestals 
This is a really big problem with Nice Guys and it's a sure-fire 
path to failure. When you put a woman on a pedestal, you thrust
upon her the idea that she is perfect, beyond-reproach, angelic, 
and unable to make mistakes. Who in the world can live up to 
that kind of billing? When a woman who has been placed on a
pedestal inevitably falters or takes a misstep, she comes crashing
down hard. The man who placed her there can't believe that the
 woman he placed all his faith in could suddenly become so鈥?
well鈥?human. Holding anyone up to unrealistic expectations is
unhealthy for both parties. Nice Guys have to realize that they 
are involved with women who have faults. Stop foisting what 
you wish were their traits on them 鈥?and take them for the 
wonderfully, flawed individuals that they are.  
Passive Neediness 
Oooh鈥?this is one of the most irritating things in the world to 
witness. It also falls under the unrealistic expectations category. 
You want something from your mate (fair enough), but you don't 
ask for it (not fair at all), then you feel hurt when you don't get
it (incredibly unfair).  Basically, if you want something, you have
to ask for it. Then, and only then, if you don't get it you can make 
an issue of it by verbalizing your feelings. Expecting a woman to 
read your mind is rather unfair, don't you think? Nice Guys, who 
you may have figured out by now, aren't always nice, have a 
tendency to be passive aggressive in these situations. The trouble 
is, Nice Guys think that asking for something makes them selfish,
but they have to wake up to the fact that we all want and need 
things, it's what makes us human. Ask, and maybe, ye shall receive.  
Living For Someone Else
Another classic trait of Nice Guy Syndrome entails the idea of 
self-sacrifice. That's not always a bad thing, but if a relationship
only has one person making sacrifices, we run into trouble. The 
end result of this is that the Nice Guy feels used and unappreciated.
 Nice Guys often lose themselves in their partner and do everything 
to try and make them happy. But, in the process, they lose their 
individuality, the very individuality that probably made them 
attractive to their mate in the first place.  Nice Guys are so very 
eager to please that they end up denying themselves happiness
along the way. Does that sound like a healthy way to live?  
No More Mr. Nice Guy
 As you can see, Nice Guy Syndrome is a pretty damaging 
condition. So the next time you utter the phrase, "nice guys 
finish last", think about what you're saying and take a moment
to see if you really are as "nice" as you believe.

I am
zip code

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