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Opinion Forum : Opinion, July 18/06: Factors leading to decision to date someone
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Recommend  Message 1 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSilkenCreations27  (Original Message)Sent: 7/18/2006 3:26 PM

 
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: 

What are the 3 most important questions you would ask a potential date online that would factor into your decision as to whether or not to go out with them?

 
 
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Recommend  Message 2 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSilken2004Sent: 7/20/2006 5:12 AM

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Recommend  Message 3 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLadyinKansas2Sent: 7/20/2006 5:26 AM
LMAO........Are you my mother/father?

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Recommend  Message 4 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLadyinKansas2Sent: 7/20/2006 5:32 AM
Ok........Seriously now........
 
     I would have to say first and foremost would be
 
1. Are you married?
   This one is pretty obvious I suppose
 
2. How long have you been out of your last relationship?
 
   I think this one is important because if your thinking of dating someone, I mean even THINKING of it you dont want someone fresh outta something with all that goes with it.
 
3. How do you feel about children?
 
  I at first thought of asking "do you have children" but I dont think you would get to the bottom of what you really want to know with that one.  A person could have 12 kids and not like them or be good to them one bit.  On the other hand a person could be childless but simply adore them.......
 
One thing I have found though through this wonderous NET is that despite asking all the right questions you will still never truly get to know someone ( of the opposite sex esp I find) until you not only spend time IN PERSON with them but have shared a few meals, had them see you at your worst and seen them with the flu!  Believe you me that will tell you more about someone than you realize!
 
    And that my dear roomies is my humble opinion on the matter.  Now lets hear from you!
 
                                               Lady

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Recommend  Message 5 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSilken2004Sent: 7/20/2006 11:40 AM
To me, this is a really interesting question... In the past when I have been in dating mode, I don't think I ever even really had any idea what I would consider my own top 3 things that would allow me to turn a friendship over the net into an actual meeting and possibly a date... Even now, I get a lil fuzzy when I try to think of what my top 3 are... Why is that I wonder?
 
So... here's what I think would be them...
 
1.  I would ask, "What are the most important things in your life right now?"
 
If a man answered, "my 3 young children who live with me cuz their mother took off", I would retain the friendship but dispense with the date idea... I am all done with the mothering thing... 37 years was enough... If he answered, "my mother"... we'd be friends (for obvious reasons)... If he answered that his life was pretty complete but he hoped to find that special someone to share his happiness, I would go forward to dating mode...
 
2.  I would ask, "How long has it been since your last committed relationship ended?"
 
I know that the healthiest of us take time after a relationship ends to deal with our baggage, work out whatever issues there might be, examine his own contributions to the failure of his marriage and that if he is within the first year of his divorce, he probably needs a good friend more than he needs a date.  If he has only been separated for months, weeks or God forbid, days... uh-uh...no way!  No rebounders for this kid!  If he didn't care enough about his wife to grieve over the end of their relationship, I don't kid myself that I have something magical she didn't have to change his ability to feel.
 
3.  I would ask him if he has any spiritual beliefs...
 
Spiritual beliefs (NOT religious beliefs) are the support system upon which my own journey proceeds or digresses... It is my faith in there being a reason for everything that happens regardless of whether I know what that reason is that keeps me raising my head and struggling to "start over" when it would be so easy to give up... It is essential in any meaningful relationship I have that any man I am with fully understands what a beautiful and sacred gift our finding each other and our intimacy is... Without spiritual beliefs of his own, there is too much risk in my getting involved and hurt by someone who relies on ego and the more earthly stuff to get by in life... I make no judgments but we would have to remain friends only...
 
Those are mine... Some may say... "hey... you're just going for a date... you don't have to assure your future with every evening out" but... I ALWAYS begin as I mean to go on... Changing the rules in the middle of the game is unfair and does not work for this kid...
 
I hope to see more of your contributions to get a well-rounded idea of what the average person is looking for...
 
Silken
 
 

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Recommend  Message 6 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameCocopuff10001Sent: 7/20/2006 1:11 PM
I would likely ask question number 2 that Silken asked, which pertains to how long someone has been alone.  I refuse to be someones rebound relationship and I think that when people are able to spend time alone and grow it bodes well for future stability. 
 
I have done the "questions" on some of the date sites, and I like to delve into character questions such as "how do you feel about your last relationship or how/why did it end", or "have you ever done anything that you wish you wouldn't have and what was it"? 
 
Of course all the standards still apply, "are you married", "have you ever been in prison", "Do you work and what do you do", "do you have children and how many?"  "Do you have teeth?"  "Are you on the FBI's most wanted list?"  "Are you a girl dressed up like a guy?"  You know, the basics!!!!

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Recommend  Message 7 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLadyinKansas2Sent: 7/20/2006 7:40 PM
LMAO @ Coco.....I never thought of the FBI most wanted list!  That is a good thing to remember! 
  Do you have any teeth???  OMG.........
 
            Laughing all the way outta here now.........TOO FUNNY!

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Recommend  Message 8 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSilken2004Sent: 7/20/2006 8:25 PM
LOL Lady... you're not exactly asleep at the wheel yourself... No sooner had I posted that "Man Meets Gal Over the Internet - Turns Out To Be "Mom"... than you were over here ensuring that become one of our top 3 questions!!!
 
LMAO... yer just a hoot!!!
 
Luv 'n hugggs,
 
Silken
 

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Recommend  Message 9 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSilken2004Sent: 7/20/2006 8:43 PM
Um... Coco???
 
Hey... Coco?
 
Have I got your attention???
 
Could we ask for your ENTIRE list of questions now????
 
I have never thought to ask if someone was on the "Most Wanted" List....
 
Not once, have I stopped to think about whether or not a man has teeth... (Teeth are good... IF they know how to use 'em... but I think guys would be more prone to asking this question since they're more concerned with having to apply for memberships with Eunuchs 'R Us)....
 
I HAVE asked for marital status... (my one saving grace... BUT it wasn't an unresolvable issue if he was... I'd just have to "accidentally" slam him with the truck door as I pull away .... give him sumthing to try to explain to the lil woman ya know)....
 
And the prison question.... well... ... mebbe you got sumthing there... BUT you gotta admit... there's an amazing hunger to a guy who has spent the past 20 years in prison for killin' his stepdad for molesting his lil sister... (tongue-in-cheek here... but it's amazing how someone who HAS served time can concoct a "yah I did it but I did everyone a favor" nobility story)....
 
So anyway, can we have a copy of your whole list?  I'm thinkin' I need to take lessons...
 
One last thought... I once worked for a young lawyer who was regularly playing around on his wife... He was arrogant and valueless but I tolerated him as long as I could.  One day, he came into work and on his way by, stopped to inform me that in future, he would be demanding a "Sexual Resume" from any woman he intended to date... It left me fuzzed up in the brain for the rest of the day... Resumes include highlights of qualifications, training, objectives achieved, histories, outside interests and... REFERENCES!!!  lol... I often wonder how far he got with that idea but I've no doubt whatsoever he would've gone ahead with it... The guy was a horse's ass!!!
 
Anyway, I'll be lookin' forward to that List cuz I'm thinkin' I am wa-a-a-a-yyyy to naive!!!
 
Luv 'n hugggs,
 
Silken
 
 
 

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Recommend  Message 10 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSilken2004Sent: 7/21/2006 10:15 AM

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Recommend  Message 11 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname搂薪褍邪谢谢Sent: 8/7/2006 6:47 PM
I dunno if asking questions would really work for me...
I am one of those people that listens, alot... if a few words are askew or stuff doesn't seem right, I won't bother even going for coffee with em... That self protective instinct coming through... I have always kept in mind that if you stay quiet, and ask the right questions, people will talk forever... I guess if I was to ask prodding questions, it'd be...
1.) Whats in your fridge right now? (good for finding out a few things, and if they say milk, and it's fresh, then be in awe)
2.) What do you drive? (good for finding out financial status, type of person, what he's willing to spend on something that means alot-cuz for alot of us, thats our freedom, and if he's got a 1985 taurus, I may turn round and walk)...
3.) Marital/child status? (one of the first things asked in any situation, to know if we may be stepping on toes, maybe wanna step on toes, etc etc)
I ask innane questions, and everyone is different. One particular guy may get a batch of questions, where another will get a completely diff set. Listen, Listen, Listen... if even one thing tips you off, go at it tooth and nail, dig into it, find out why, if the other gets testy and doesn't wanna talk about it, drop it and the other person. People who are wanting to be in a relationship are wanting to share everything. these people who get on dating sites and say "will tell you later", are fakes. Fake people suck. Leave em at the door or use em for what they are good for (think ya get my drift)... Just my opinion... if your dating, you are looking for someone to spend a portion of your life with. If you are unwilling to spend your time working for free, why should you spend your time with someone you don't like or can't stand??? Your time is worth something, if not to anyone else, it is to you... treat it likes it's valuable... don't go spending it with someone who'll waste it... Just my honest opinion, cuz ya asked for it :)

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Recommend  Message 12 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameCocopuff10001Sent: 8/8/2006 3:31 AM
Ya know, the 2 dates I've acquired on line turned out to be guys missing their front teeth, hence the question about teeth.  My ex husband turned out to be a habitual felon (found this out after we were married and I had a child) who had done time in prison (and not for anything noble) AND had 3 children by 3 different women that he forgot to tell me about.  One guy forgot to tell me he was bisexual and had just broken up with his boyfriend.  So I guess my questions are based on past experiences and meant to keep me from the same relationships I've had in the past.  Here are more questions that I have been known to ask.
 
  • Do you work?  and where?
  • Have you ever been arrested, and don't lie to me because I can get all of your public records.
  • Do you have children, how many, and how many baby mama's are involved??
  • If I asked your ex what kind of person you are, what would she tell me.
  • Have you ever slept with someone of the same sex? 
  • Do you have any strange fetishes, like feet for example? 
  • Do you participate in illicit drug use?
  • Do you drink and see people on the ceiling while in a drunken haze?
  • Do you believe in God?
  • Have you ever abused a woman?
  • Have you ever abused a child?
 
There's just so many things one should know about before beginning a relationship...ya know???
 

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Recommend  Message 13 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameratsolosmsnSent: 9/10/2006 11:25 PM
um Somethin to add into the myre of all this is honesty...  How do you guage how honest a person is?  I think honesty is the most important thing in ANY kind of relationship, friendship,  good friends or sig other type of stuff.  Honesty is the front door to everything else and how far things go.  If a person is not honest, how far does it go?  no one knows.  This is why i didn't date.  I'd go hang out at pool hauls and not really care what bullshit anyone fed me cuz it didn matter anyhow.  Before i met Shyann, i had only met one other gal who had been completely honest from the getgo.  I liked that, even though it didn go anywhere we remained friends until she started to be a pain in the ass.  A speck of dishonesty leads to a smudge leads to blacked out reception.

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Recommend  Message 14 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameTopmechanic2000Sent: 9/11/2006 7:38 PM
Well, 3 questions I'd have to ask? Being as I am such a man of the world and all.....okay I'm kidding but a guy can drream right? (listens closely as all around him, his internet buddies are soiling themselves with belly laughter)
 
Okay, now that we got past that...
 
1) Are you presently involved with someone else?
 
2) Do you have any children and how old are they?
 
3) What caused the failure to your last relationship?

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