You'll hopefully forgive me for leaping into THIS topic with both feet AND my face flappin'.... God knows, I've spent a great deal of time dealing with this topic in my personal life...
All addictions... and I don't care what they are.. be it addictions to money, gambling, working out, food, alcohol, drugs, sex... are 2 things... Number 1 - they are a willful absence of awareness and, Number 2 - they are a person's attempt to "balance" the stress in life with some of the good things in life. We call them addictions because there is a mindlessness to them... and a life that often goes out of whack because of them...
In all cases, people will call someone else doing any action that they consider to be excessive an "addiction" altho, that does not make it so... For instance, if a person is in a relationship where their partner has a million expectations of them and the person heads toward their "addiction" to get some time away from all of those demands and expectations.. it ain't necessarily an addiction.. it's actually a hidey hole... And one way to keep from throttling a demanding partner...
Some addictions result in someone becoming abusive, damaging or hurtful to someone else... violent alcoholism, budget-ruining car-buying or gambling or sexual addiction that replaces intimacy with erotica and leads to unfaithfulness... Those are the addictions where someone else may very well have reason to be concerned and vested in the apparent addiction...
But... when time on the Net is spent reading, learning, making friends and keeping one at home during times of poverty, then it is a whole other ballgame...
Strangely enough, this has been a real issue in my partnerships... When I was first single in 2002, I decided that I was going to just date... for the first time in my life, I would not run headlong into my next committed relationship... And yet, almost every man I "dated" immediately insisted that I date ONLY him and that I dispense with my chat community... Both demands were obviously designed to lessen that person's insecurities and to brand me with some kind of "ownership"... These men did not want to spend time being friends... And I had some of the worst arguments with people I have ever had... One date does not equal the right to demand from someone that they change their lives...
The other peculiarity I have found is that my partner(s) have been perfectly okay with my "working" on computers... If I am generating $25.00 an hour on my puter, I get no argument whatsoever and I can "work" for 12 hours a day with no argument... But get on here to "play" or enjoy my chat community and I never hear the end of it... Wuzzup with that? Are "work", "money" and "me first" the only things some guys can understand?
My lifestyle, raising one daughter by myself and the second almost by myself, necessitated a stringent self-discipline amd many sacrifices of things that I loved to do but could not afford to do. It was a lifestyle that found me reading books and paperbacks through my many nights alone... I was simply living my values...
Now, I read on the Net... I am still at home.. still available... still NOT out shopping for stupid things I don't NEED...
But because the Net brings friendship, support and encouragement that those books never brought into my life.. it is suddenly a huge issue in my relationships... It feels like oppression to me... and if it feels that way, it probably is...
I DO spend a lot of time on the net... I read, learn, care about others and very much enjoy contributing to our community... Some would say I spend too much time here and I even have my moments when I wish to hell I could be out dancing my feet off or seeing some of the country before I get old and die... BUT, it is what I CAN afford to do... AND... considering that I could just as easily be sitting in the bar drinking the last of my pesos or out shopping and buying things I regret buying later, I think it is the best of all my options...
Being on the Net combines the ability to learn, the ability to make friends and the ability to stay interested in new things... There isn't much you can't do on the Net... and when I think of all the nights I spent sitting in front of the stupid T.V. learning nothing and feeling alone and depressed... well... I wouldn't trade my Net time for anything...
Does that make it an addiction? I don't think so... I would not sacrifice time with my family to be here... I do not avoid my other responsibilities to be here... As a matter of fact, I am living within my means by being here...
And if I am not fulfilling someone else's expectations that I continue to live my life in a corner with a book in my hands or sitting in front of some stupid t.v. show or staying completely isolated from other people... well boohoo... cry me a friggin' river...
Um... how can you tell THIS ONE is a hot button for me???? Did you figger that out? All I can say is, God help the guy that does unplug me if he has nothing else to offer in its place except his expectation that I spend my time catering to him... Nope, nein, nyet, NOT gonna happen...
Silken
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