Relationship Help

Fred experienced emotional and physical pain early in life, and is determined to keep his family together. His wife is threatening divorce. In a bestseller, Fred found steps for changing his behavior and opening a relationship discussion with his wife. Sadly, most of what Fred relays about his good intentions is lost, since his nonverbal communication—the true language of love—speaks only of his needs and ignores hers.

Joeph’s temper is putting hisjob at risk. Management at his small company has told him to “get help for your anger, or you are through.�?In an anger management program he learns to recognize warning signs of an emotional flare-up, and some techniques to cool off. But after a few successful “cool downs,�?Joseph and his management team are frightened when, during a minor disagreement, he suddenly explodes in rage.

Allison gets attention for her good looks and sense of humor, but she never feels comfortable with herself. She has read many books on what men want, she dates a lot, but each time she finds someone she really likes, he stops calling within a short time. She blames those who disappoint her, but it doesn’t realize that her poor communication skills are the cause of her relationship problems.

Alexis�?childhood was colored by her mother’schronic depression. Now, as an adult, she is unable to deal with conflict. Armed with a law degree, she acts and looks like someone in charge of herself. But her inability to confront conflict has sidetracked her work. Despite therapy and coaching, she finds herself unable to advance in her career.

Bonnie’s parents died when she was an infant. She is determined to put aside her depression, along with her expectations for emotional communication in her marriage. A bestseller she’s read has convinced her that men are incapable of being emotionally receptive. Bonnie's husband is relieved to be off the hook. Bonnie, however, finds herself slipping further into depression, and she has begun to suffer from irritable bowel syndrome.

The ability to manage stress in relationships.

Stress shuts down your ability to feel, to think rationally, and to be emotionally available to another person, essentially blocking good communication until both you and your partner feel safe enough to focus on one another. This damages the relationship. Being able to regulate stress allows you to remain emotionally available. The first step in communicating with emotional intelligence is recognizing when stress levels are out of control and returning yourself and others, whenever possible, to a relaxed and energized state of awareness. 

The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.

Emotional exchanges hold the communication process together. These exchanges are triggered by basic emotions, including anger, sadness, fear, joy, and disgust. To communicate in a way that grabs or engages others, you have to be able to access your emotions. However, your emotions may be distorted, or unavailable to you, due to the influence of your earliest childhood relationships. But they can and must be restored.

The ability to communicate nonverbally.

The most powerful forms of communication contain no words, and take place at a much faster rate than speech. Using nonverbal communication is the way to attract others�?attention and keep relationships on track. Eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, posture, gesture, touch, intensity, timing, pace, and sounds that convey understanding engage the brain and influence others much more than your words alone.

The ability to use humor and play in your relationships.

Playfulness and humor help you navigate and rise above difficult and embarrassing issues. Mutually shared positive experiences also lift you up, help you find inner resources needed to cope with disappointment and heartbreak, and give you the will to maintain a positive connection to your work and your loved ones.

The ability to resolve conflicts in your relationships.

The way you respond to differences and disagreements in personal and professional relationships can create hostility and irreparable rifts, or it can initiate the building of safety and trust. Your capacity to take conflict in stride and to forgive easily is supported by your ability to manage stress, to be emotionally available, to communicate nonverbally, and to laugh easily.

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