Sexual Fantasies
Are They Dangerous?

by Mareesa K Dannielle (psychologist-counselor)

It depends on what you do with them! Fantasies do not belong to the physical world, they live in the realm of thoughts. They can be shared or remain alone. When one thinks about sex, one is fantasizing sex. One can ad colours, shapes, smells, cause different sensation to touch and to taste bud.

The huge variety of sexual fantasies make it difficult, if not impossible to categorize them or put them into any order.

Want to know what are the most popular sexual fantasies are?

One of men's favorite are the fantasies of having sex with two women at once, having oral and genital sex at the same time.

Some businessmen fantasize having sex on top of the prime minister's desk, making sure to leave a juicy mess behind.

Women fantasize about sex too. Having sex with the whole Army all at once appears to be a favorite among healthy women with high sex drive. A common one among some radical feminists are to play Lorena Bobbitt, who cut her partner's penis off.

Another very popular sexual fantasy among women is to have sex lying naked in the hot sun, in a desert beach. I often wonder if this is not a good excuse to get their partners to book a trip to Fiji or any other tropical island? Excuse or not, many women report being aroused by feeling the sun rays on their skin.

Sexual fantasies are an important element of sexual life. A person who doesn't have any fantasies, is either too embarrassed to talk about them, or never in the mood to have sex.

Some fantasies can lead to trouble if one becomes fixated on them. They are the distancing fantasies, blocking intimacy in real life. Here goes a sample of them:

• Fetishism: sexual focus on objects, shoes, panties,stocking, or parts of the human body.

• Masochism: sexual urges and fantasies involving the act of being humiliated, beaten, bound or otherwise made to suffer.

• Sadism: Pleasure is derived from expressing the aggressive instinct, and is related to rape.

• Exhibitionism: recurrent urge to show one's genitals to others, in order to become aroused.

• Voyeurism: recurrent preoccupation with observing people who are naked, grooming or engaged in sexual activity.

• Frotteurism: rubbing of penis against the body of a fully clothed woman to achieve orgasm.

• Pedophilia: arousal by children. Jail sentences for people who engage in sexual activities with children are very harsh, and harsher is the treatment they get by their inmates.

• Zoophilia: arousal by performing sexual intercourse with animals. Another illegal one, according to the Crimes Act.

• Transvestic fetishism: fantasies and sexual urges by heterosexual men to dress in females clothes in order to be aroused. An entire woman's wardrobe may be required.

• Telephone / computer scatologia: characterized by compulsive obscene phone calling or use of computer networks to transmit obscene/sexually explicit messages and video images. Usually accompanied by masturbation, which is completed after the contact is interrupted.

Do you have perverse sexual fantasies? More and more "normal" people report them in therapy and new studies suggest that even violent fantasies are surprisingly common.

Now let's talk about the trouble-free ones. Any fantasy that can increase your desire for your partner, even if unconnected to him or her can be considered healthy. It is healthy to cultivate sexual thoughts, even if they include things you would never want to put into practice. They tell you what you find erotic.

A strip show by or for your partner, satin sheets, champagne, candlelit dinners, having sex standing against a tree in a tropical forest, in the private pools of Hammer Springs, massage with special oils, play "geisha" or any other character, including the element of surprise to that dining out, which would be ordinary otherwise, etc. Fantasies of this type are very healthy because:

1. they usually increase arousal, for either masturbation or having sex with a partner
2. if they escape the fantasy world, they are harmless, except if you are caught in the act by a forest guard
3. some of them may help you become more aware of your body and its response to touch and help you appreciate different physical sensations

All things are fantasies before they are projected into the physical world. If your master fantasy is to turn into reality a satisfying sexual life with your partner, you can't go wrong, because all the other fantasies deriving from this will work favorably. Whether you want to share them or not is entirely your business.