Guess what ladies, dreamin' ain't cheatin'
It's understandable that women sometimes get angry with men.
Men do some pretty stupid things.
Take cheating, for example. How do we defend getting caught in bed with a girlfriend's sister? I wish I had a nickel for every time I asked myself that one.
But one place I draw the line about feeling guilty is when I dream about sex.
Some women will probably disagree with me, but sex dreams are not cheating. Sex dreams are a good thing. That's because no matter how sexually pathetic we are in real life, we're all studs in dreamland. I've personally lost count of how many times I've scored with Scarlett Johansson鈥攊n my sleep.
But sex dreams can get you into trouble鈥攅specially when your girlfriend is sleeping next to you while you're having one.
Many of you guys may have been on the receiving end of your girl's anger spawned by a sex dream. Although you didn't actually do anything wrong, in the strange and fascinating female brain, you cheated on her.
It's frustrating. You can try to defend yourself all you want, but it'll do no good.
You see, women are very analytical. They find meaning in everything. They believe that if we have a sex dream about another woman, it means we must secretly want that woman for real.
What women need to understand is that men can't control what, or who, they dream about. If I could, I'd close my eyes at night thinking about Jessica Beil in an effort to spark dreams about her washing my car in a thong bikini. But sadly, it doesn't work that way.
Now guys, you might be asking, "How will she know when I'm having a sex dream about another woman, anyway?" Trust me, she'll always know. Women also are very intuitive. They sniff out conflict like a shark smells blood in the water from miles away. Also, your giggling and grinding will give you away.
Either way, when you wake up and she asks who you were dreaming about, your answer had better be, "You, sweetie." I almost always advocate telling the truth, but this is one situation where you are justified in lying your ass off. That's especially true if your dream gal is someone you know, like a co-worker.
If you admit to dreaming about "Suzy," your girlfriend will think you secretly want Suzy. It'll spark a jealous episode that could last for weeks. A month later you might come home from the office party, and your girlfriend or wife will ask, "So how was the party? Was Suzy there?"
Like elephants, women never forget.
So ladies, just because men dream about a variety of other women, we're not automatically having sex with them in real life.
We may not even want to.