Let's talk about romance. Let's talk about passion. Let's talk about lust and unyielding adoration in the form of rough sex.

When I use words like romance, passion, and adoration most people immediately think of a great love affair or even a love story where the two people are smoldering merely from an embrace. Their eyes locked and entranced - even now they are breathing the same breath, inhaling and exhaling each other as if their union was the birth of nirvana itself.

Oblivious to everything surrounding them he grips her waist as if love were something you drive, pulling her close and slightly lifting her at the same time. She is futilely pushing on his chest with her small hands as if to only slow down the inevitabl...

Then as both mouths are about to taste the same kiss…she grabs his face with a furious grip, the tips of her nails slightly digging into whiskered flesh and she bites his bottom lip to the painful point of almost popping it.


Training Day

Some not only like it hot, they like it painful as well. Many women that you might look at as frail or weak or even fragile can take a lot more than one can imagine when it comes rough sex. Explore the obvious lessons of physics and logic first:

If you are a man of average height and weight in your late twenties, you probably weigh between 150 pounds and 200 pounds give or take a few pounds. Most guys really like to put it to a girl when getting it on. Now we have: Weight + Speed = Force. If she can take 150 pounds of anything slamming her until the point of climax then she can probably take some spanking and rough play.

Discovering if she likes it a little rough is not as tough as it seems and she has probably already given you clues.

For instance, if during intercourse she is always telling you to slow down or take it easy, then that is a sign that she wants the storybook lovemaking session that includes some slow, boring grinding that is much more satisfying to her than you. Women that hate rough play have no problem telling you to "take it easy".

The reason they don't like rough play most of the time is that they think it demeans them and promotes abuse and disrespect. Out of the bedroom maybe it does. On the other hand if she ever uses the words "harder" or "deeper" or "faster" or if SHE initiates anal sex then she can probably take more intense physical contact in other areas as well.

Now that you have heard the signs it is time to introduce some ideas to her and see what level she is playing at. The best way and most definitely the first way you should introduce rough play to your partner without looking like an abuser is Spanking.

Spanking your girl is something she might like (and you might too) and it is safe and regulated. You smack her ass (fingers together, palm arched and cupped) and then ask her, "Do you like that"? "Do you want more?" "Harder, do you want it harder"? Now you have achieved level one.

If you want to go to level two immediately then when she answers "yes, I like it", you grab a wad of hair and pull it as you say, "Of course you do".


True Romance

So now you know a few things about your girl and how to introduce them to her. Ask her as you are doing it if she is enjoying it or not. You know she likes the spanks and hair pulls - so maybe she is up for more. The next time you two are having intercourse, lay next to her in the spoon position lifting her leg a bit to penetrate her.

When you start getting into it, pull her hair and wrap your hand around her throat as if you are going to strangle her. Grip her firmly but not too tight, this is more mental than physical and many women get turned on in this ultimate "SUBMISSIVE" position.

Do not be surprised if you get turned on by it as well from dominating and slightly scaring her while turning her on at the same time. I call this position the "thief". A guy breaks in, gets caught in the act and tells her if she screams he will kill her. This is role play and role play is the best place for rough play.

Sometimes it is not just the spanking, pulling, pinching and biting it is the mental game you are playing with each as well. Speaking of which, the next level of rough play or pain is biting or pinching any sensitive body part such as the nipples, lips, clitoris, or even the head.

Some people (not me) like teeth as a sex tool and use them when they want to be rough. YIKES! Okay, maybe I like it a little. The veteran of rough play knows when to stop biting and not leave a scar or break the skin, because it is not healthy and frankly it is not nice. Anything that would leave a scar or truly physically hurt someone is going overboard and will probably have repercussions.

Be a good communicator with your partner and focus on mutual pleasure when it comes rough sex. If you are insistent on hurting creatures that are smaller and weaker than you for your own pleasure - you may have read Of Mice & Men too many times should consider to staying inside for a while.