If I had a nickel for every time I have heard this in my few relationships, I would be a rich lady today!  I would NOT have a problem with the label if it was the case that I was attempting to make all the decisions for others but I DO have a problem with it where I am being criticized for controlling my OWN life... Is that not what we are supposed to do when we reach adulthood? 

It is always the case that people whose own lives are "out of control" accuse people whose lives are "in control" of trying to control their lives... And so it is when those who are unable to live their lives with strength, decency and integrity suddenly find themselves trying to be with someone who does choose the high road in life.  They perceive their stronger partner as being controlling...

But hey... think about it... If we accuse someone else of "trying to control our lives" we might as well be saying, "I am scared that you are more capable of controlling my life than I am".  It means that on some level, the "out of control" person has surrendered the "control" of their lives to someone who appears to be more capable of taking responsibility, shouldering blame and dealing with the consequences of their decisions.

Personally, the ONLY life I want control of is my own.  It is damn tough enough to make grown-up decisions, take the risks, shoulder the responsibility for the decision I've made and then, have to deal with whatever consequences flow from the decisions in my own life without having to feel that I will also end up shouldering the blame and taking the consequences for decisions I have not contributed to! 

The paradox lies in the fact that there are those who want to go through life making childish decisions that they KNOW will result in bad consequences and there are those who want to go through life as adults in full control of their own lives.  Strangely, they manage to meet up frequently and so the game begins... with the child making bad decisions and blaming the adult for attempting to control the damage!  It is played out in the homes of thousands of married couples every day...

If I live my life, taking responsibility for myself and for the lives I have brought into the world, that is enough!  As a woman who believes in finding equality within her own willingness to work hard and to remain self-sufficient, there need be no misunderstanding that I stand as a child, before my partner in life when in fact, I stand as an adult in every way!  It didn't take much savvy when I was very young to realize that women who surrender their lives by refusing to work, surrender their equality as an adult and within their relationships.  For me, this is unthinkable and would require the loss of my own dignity.

So, if we should chance to meet during our respective journeys along life's path, understand that I take my responsibility as an adult seriously... I do not want the responsibility for making your decisions, feeling responsibility for your failures or taking credit for your successes and I do not want to hear, that you have surrendered the control of your life to me.  If you are making decisions that will have vastly negative consequences in my life, it is my responsibility as an adult to ask you to stop and if you don't, I can only walk away... like true grown-ups do... That does NOT make me a controlling person!  It makes me a "grown-up"!