| YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK: If you won't stop at a rest area as long as there is an empty coke bottle in the car.
If you've ever talked back to characters on the movie screen.
If you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
If your coat of arms features a tire iron.
If you've ever towed another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
If you've ever laid rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
If your kids trip over the Christmas lights while hunting for Easter eggs.
If you think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups.
If you tried to claim "loss of teeth" as an exemption on your taxes.
If you have a sign on your front door explaining house rules and liability.
If you and six of your neighbors split the cable bill.
If you take out a home improvement loan to buy a camper shell for your truck.
If your mail box holds up one end of your clothes line.
If you've ever had to appear in court because of your dogs.
If the front license plate of your car reads " Foxy Lady" written in air brush.
If any of your honeymoon plans involve a deer camp.
If you have a hook in your shower to hang your cap on.
If you have ever tried to use food stamps to mail a watermelon.
If you own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off .
If you've ever picked dog hair out of your belly button.
If you ever go clothes shopping in a Goodwill drop off box.
If you bring your shotgun to school so you can hunt at recess.
If you have 50 keys on the key ring on your belt and only own 2 locks.
If you've ever spent a Sunday afternoon having a "Rat Kill'in" on your front porch.
If you've ever tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
If you've ever stolen a Neighborhood Watch sign to put in your yard.
If your stereo speakers used to belong to the drive-in theater.
If you own a homemade fur coat.
If you have ever vacationed in a rest area.
If you read the Auto Trader with a highlighter pen.
If the Salvation Army declines your mattress.
If someone ask, " Where's your bowling bag ?", and you reply, " She's at home with the kids."
If your kids take a siphon hose and gas can to " Show & Tell" at school.
If people can hear your car a long time before they can see it.
If you have a rag for a gas cap.
If you cut your toenails in front of company.
If you wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
If your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps that say "Back Off".
If you keep catfish in your aquarium.
If you think truffles are a brand of potato chips.
If you currently drive a car with "IN TOW " painted in white shoe polish across the rear window.
If you think wild turkey should be the national bird.
If your truck sits so high that you can see in a second floor window.
If you refer to an armadillo as a possum on the half shell.
If you have ever snorkeled in a waterbed.
If you take your newborn to the grocery store to be weighed on the produce scale.
If you think people that have electricity are uppity.
If your dog's house and your living room have the same shag carpet.
If you think a stock tip is advice on worming your hogs.
If your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.
If you think a woman that is"out of your league" bowls on a different night.
If you have ever changed the numbers around on your house so the police couldn't find you.
If your deer stand has an address.
If you've ever taken a date flowers that you stole from a cemetery.
If your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.
If you've ever given live stock as a wedding gift.
If you call your boss "Dude".
If you repaint your pink flamingo every spring, but not your house.
If your college graduation involves parallel parking an 18 wheeler.
If your tooth brush is a hand-me-down.
If you own the big truck that transports mobile homes.
If two years later your new home still has the "Wide Load" sign on it.
If your dog has his own place setting at the dinner table.
If you claim your dogs as dependents om your tax return.
If the most common phrase in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle !"
If you stare at a can of orange juice because it says Concentrate on the label.
If your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
If you're not allowed to mention the game warden at the dinner table.
If you use a Coleman lantern as your only source of heat.
If you've ever used the scope on your hunting rifle to locate your kids.
If your house is still on wheels and three cars in the yard aren't.
If there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
If you hammer bottle caps to the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
If there are more than five McDonald's bags in the floor board of your truck.
If your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
If there has ever been "Crime Scene" tape on the dog box on your truck.
If you consider a Bug-Zapper high quality entertainment.
If you think a subdivision is a part of a math problem.
If your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
If the flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
If your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on !!"
If there is a gun rack on your riding mower.
If more than one of your living relatives is named after a Southern Civil War General.
If you think the T. V. show, The Dukes Of Hazard, was a documentuary.
If you think the O. J. trail had something to do with the Minute Made & Sunkist taste test.
If you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
If you've seen Elvis in the last ten years.
If your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
If the diploma hanging over the mantle in your living room contains the words "Trucking Institute".
If you bring your dog with you to church.
If you think Australia is part of the South because their flags are similar.
If the only neck tie you own is made of leather, sliver, and turquoise.
If you've ever financed a tattoo.
If you have a lighted beer sign over your dinning room table.
If you think taking your wife on a cruise involves circling the Dairy Queen.
If you think dual air bags refers to your wife & your mother-in law.
If you think watching professional wrestling is educational T.V.
If the people on the Jerry Springer Show are your neighbors.
If you carried a fishing pole into Sea World. | 
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