| YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK: If you think "Loading the dish washer" is getting your wife drunk.
If you think the stock market has a fence around it.
If chiggers are one of your top three hygiene concerns.
If you burn your yard rather than mow it.
If your school fight song was " Dueling Banjos".
If birds are attracted to your beard.
If you've ever hit a deer with your truck...on purpose.
If your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
If you've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
If you think " taking out the trash" involves taking your in-laws to dinner.
If you have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
If you prefer car keys to a Q-Tip.
If you think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
If your big ambition is to own a fireworks stand.
If the primary color of your truck is Bondo.
If directions to your house include," Turn off the hard road...".
If the dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
If the Red Man Chewing Tobacco company sends you a Christmas card.
If the main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
If you think suspenders is a type of shirt.
If your family tree doesn't fork.
If you use the term "Over Yonder" more than once a day.
If you think Dom Perignon is one of those Mafia boys.
If you think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
If your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.
If you have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
If you consider a three piece suit a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt, and thermal underwear.
If your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
If you've ever started a petition to change the National Anthem to, " Georgia On My Mind".
If you have ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
If you need an estimate from your barber before he will cut your hair.
If you see a sign that says," Say No To Crack", and it reminds you to pull up your jeans.
If you just bought an 8-track tape player to put in your truck.
If you've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
If you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
If you've been on TV more than five times describing the sound of a tornado.
If your wife insists on stopping at the gas station to see if they have the new edition Darrell Waltrip Budwieser Wall clock.
If you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
If you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bath tub.
If your parakeet knows the phrase," Open up !! Police !!".
If your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
If you have to use Lava soap more than three times a day.
If your family's #1 enemy is Revenuers.
If you wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
If you consider orange peels left on the coffee table as Potpourri.
If your kitchen doubles as a bait store.
If your family reunion features a chewing tobacco "Spit Off".
If your fishing trips involve dynamite in any way.
If you think Gun Control means using both hands.
If you have a bumper sticker that says, " My other car is a John Deer".
If you ever went to a funeral and there were more pick ups than cars.
If you think a chainsaw is a musical instrument.
If you have one special cap that you only wear on formal occasions.
If you own a leisure suit, a white belt, or a pair of white shoes.
If you go to the local bar and they search you for a gun & if you don't have one they give you one before you can go in.
If your baby's crib mobile is made out of beer cans.
If your wife has more tattoos than you do.
If you have ever been asked for your autograph at the rattle snake round-up.
If you think " Doctor'en" involves mama's needle and thread and a jug of white lighting.
If there has ever been crime scene tape across your bathroom door.
If you think the Royal Order Of the Moose is a hunting club.
If you ever filled your deer tag on a golf course...at night.
If you've ever owned a homemade frog gigging spear.
If your daddy encourages you to drop out of school because Larry has an opening at Jiffy Lube.
If you've ever asked the waitress, "what wine goes with chitlins?"
If you list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
If you have the number of the UFO hotline on speed dial.
If your family talks just like professional wrestlers.
If your truck is insured by Smith & Wesson.
If your daddy ever said, " You kids run on down to the dump and see if they left any good stuff today."
If you have your own private booth at the Dairy Queen.
If you think Long John Silver is formal underwear.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have more dogs than the local shelter. You consistantly receive credit card offers with a limit of $1.25.
Your postman puts rubber gloves on when the red flag is up on your mailbox. | 
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