Always the Bridesmaid...
"I want to have someone to hold me, someone who really knows me and loves me." My friend Alice lamented. "At this point I'd settle for dinner or a round of putt-putt." She sighed. As a young twenty-something, her social calendar lately was filled, not with dates, but with bridal showers and weddings. Love was in the air, but not for Alice.
"What is Wrong With Me?"
It is natural for single men and women to ask this question, even if they've chosen to be single. My friend Alice was a beautiful, vivacious girl with a keen wit and sense of humor. I'd always known her to be confident, yet even the healthiest self-assurance may be undermined when confronted by a "date drought." And if you've always depended upon relationships for your esteem, singleness can be a real struggle. Many people go from relationship to relationship, so they are always part of a pair, like a set of bookends. "Jimmy and..." or "Rachel and..." Their names are always mentioned in conjunction with another name and generally it is a new name every month. Are you afraid to be alone? Do you know who you are, apart from anyone else? How much confidence do you derive from relationships with members of the opposite sex? Rather than lonely and horrible experiences, periods of singleness can be sweet times of self-discovery.
Carpe Diem
Many people seem to live their life on hold, waiting to meet Mr. or Ms. Right. Seize this time! Buy yourself flowers if that will make you happy, eat by candlelight with your finest plates. Take yourself to the movies. You can also use this time to deepen friendships with members of the same sex. There are some real advantages to being single. You can have the girls/guys over all night playing cards or watching movies. You can volunteer for the Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. You have free time that you wouldn't have otherwise if involved in a relationship.
Don't Change Your Standards
Alice also wondered, "Maybe my standards are too high?" This is also a natural conclusion, however resist the temptation to compromise your well-thought out standards. You may even want to make a list of the "non-negotiables" for moments of weakness. I don't mean "blue eyes, blond hair," but things like honesty, tenderness, good communication, similar goals in life, etc. Do not settle for less than the best - you are worth it.