For children, the blending of two families may not be an easy process. There is no "instant" love. Adjusting to the new relationships takes time and patience. Although the adults have fallen in love and have decided to live together, the children may not desire the step family situation. Children often need a lot more time to adapt to the idea of blending families. Parents need realistic expectations concerning their children’s periods of adjustment.

Merging families bring together many differences. A teenager may now be followed around by a five-year-old stepbrother. The celebration of holidays will change as the new family integrates customs and begins new ones. With the changes taking place in the new household, children need some things to remain the same. Keeping the daily schedule the same can help add continuity to a changing family structure. If your child is actively involved in a particular sport, for example, keep him or her involved. Do not make unnecessary changes.

Each family has resources in addition to money. They include both time and affection. How you share or distribute these resources can create arguments, hurt feelings, or jealousy. Be aware of the possible effects as you work within your new family.

Children have loyalties to parents. A child may feel that showing affection toward a stepparent is betraying the biological parent. The child who has lived in a singe-parent household may have difficulty sharing that parent. Adults may also experience loyalty conflicts. Parents may feel guilty over not living with biological children. The stepparent may have difficulty accepting live-in stepchildren.

The new stepfamily creates new relationships. Family members may be unclear as to what their roles and expectations are within the family. Are the stepparents comfortable disciplining the children and enforcing the limits? Are the stepparents fair with discipline? Do the children know what roles the new family members play? Do they know that their stepfather can assign chores to be done? How should they refer to the stepparent’s parents? Are they also grandparents? These issues will need to be discussed and worked out.