Help Kids Learn to Like Each Other
It's going to take lots of time for your kids to like their stepsiblings. Part of your job as a parent is to create situations to make it easier for them to become friends. Here are some suggestions:
1. Kids need to have their own space. It isn't always financially possible for kids to have their own rooms but everyone needs a place safe from intrusion - even if it's only a dresser or toy chest.
2. It's helpful if the new family starts out in neutral territory rather than in a house which was one spouse's previous home. It's easier for kids to share a room if it isn't the same one a child has always had to himself.
3. Set an example of courtesy and expect everyone to follow it.
4. Be fair. New families may have to establish new rules so that everyone is on equal footing. Amounts of allowances, curfews, use of cars, etc., need to be worked out between parents as soon as possible.
5. Don't push too fast. Children don't have to introduce their stepsiblings as "sister" or "brother." Don't demand that younger children share all their toys or older children loan clothes or other belongings.
6. Emphasize kids' differences in a positive way. Applaud and praise all the kids' achievements even if they are different from the one you think of as important.
7. Don't gossip with your kids about your stepkids. You might be annoyed at some of their habits and you will need to deal with some problems, but don't create an "us vs. them" atmosphere by talking behind the stepkids' backs.
8. Never compare kids to one another. Kids do enough of that on their own. If you do it too, you'll create resentments that will come back to haunt you.
9. Don't force kids to share their friends.
10. Give family building proper priority. Make the time to blend your new family and spend time together. This is important for all children whether they live in your home or not.