Spirit Keepers

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A week ago tomorrow, Verizon entered my backyard without warning or notice. Three Christmasses ago they placed this horrid looking plastic tower about two and a half feet high in the right rear corner of my yard to act as a "hub" for their new fiber optics services. Now I already have an older metallic rusting tower from them in the left corner but it's completely surrounded by bamboo. I've trimmed the bamboo back as far as I can but the power company has lines running underneath that area as well, making it impossible for me to dig the bamboo up. When they set foot on my land three years ago I asked they remove the bamboo to get to the older box. In no uncertain terms I was told they had the legal right to place the new box in that now corner, that the old one was no longer in use and it wasn't their responsibility to remove it. In the process of digging and refilling they buried some of my backyard Christmas lights which I forced them to replace; on to last week.

Apparently one of my neighbors decided to get Verizon services. This guy lives in one of the two houses whose backyards meet my side yard. I live on one corner and he on the intersecting street corner. Tuesday morning of last week I awakened to see an ugly coaxial cable running along the perimeter of my backyard to the bamboo. Then the "professional" contractors ran it in front of the bamboo rather than try fishing it through thus remaining on the easement. It continued to the house not getting the service whose backyard connects with my side. The workers looped the wire through the top strats of the privacy fence, all the way to the guy who decided he wanted their products.

It's running across my backyard! I mean a good thirty foot section is just laying in plain view. Then when it gets to the fences, well, that really looks good; not!

I have an unlisted phone number with another provider. Rather than risk said number showing up on their caller-ID, I used my cell phone to contact Verizon support last Thursday. As I "enjoyed" their automated service trying to garner as much information from me as it could and my refusing to divulge anything other than my street address, I finally got to speak with a girl who had such a sickeningly sweet voice I grew fearful of falling into a diabetic coma!

So there we were, my trying to explain what was wrong while she tried pulling up my account. After the tenth, yes TENTH time telling her I am not nor ever will be her customer, she got the message. My warning was that my grass was supposed to be cut for the last time this season on Saturday and they had until then to bury said cable. Well she asked for my home number so they could call and confirm the repair to which I politely said "UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I GIVE YOU THAT INFORMATION! YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS. DEAL WITH IT! IF THAT CABLE IS STILL EXPOSED COME SATURDAY I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR IT GETTING SLICED TO PIECES!" Then I hung up. Isn't it sad you can't slam a cell phone down without breaking it?

Saturday arrived and the cable is still mocking me. Even wild rabbits living in the neighborhood have left the tasty wire insulation alone. My report about the grass cutting was a hoax, an attempt at inspiration which failed. Just a short while ago I placed a second call.

Doesn't it just amaze you how incredibly arrogant utility companies can be? Once again I was subjected to the automated voice asking for my ten-digit Verizon wireless cell phone number. I kept pressing pound with that monotone female voice saying "In order to properly assist you I need to know your account number. I'll be able to transfer you to the person who can help." Well I laughed saying loudly "That'll be a first; customer service." Finally the voice said "Please hold while I transfer your call. Due to an unusual call volume your wait may be through the holidays."

Before proceeding I'd already typed in my zip code on-line and called the number displayed on said webpage. I live in Virginia. Would somebody please explain to me how I ended up talking to another insulin ads-woman in California?

This time I waited no more. When she asked for my account information I quickly said "Put me through to phone repair. I live at ------- and am NOT your customer. This is in regards to an exposed cable running the length of my backyard. At long last she gave the number for the right repair office, at least I hope it's right, and then I spoke with someone I'll call Ken. Our conversation went something like this.

"Hello my name is Ken and I can assist you."

"That would be a pleasant surprise Ken. Are you ready to take some notes?"

A moment's pause followed and finally he said "Yes sir."

"My name is ----- ----- and I live at ----------. One week ago tomorrow your subcontractors entered my backyard without giving prior notice and proceeded to lay a cable to one of my neighbor's houses. It's dissecting half my yard and running along the tops of two privacy fences. I called last week to report it and nothing has been done. Bury the ugly thing immediately!

Another pause and then he asked "Are you experiencing any trouble with your phone or internet services?"

"Nope because I'm not dealing with your company. I thought we'd already covered that I'm not your customer. Just get someone out here to finish the job.

"Okay," he said, "I need to get some information from you first. Can I have your phone number beginning with the area code?"

"No you may not; my phone number is unknown to you and will remain as such. Why is that necessary?"

"Can I at least have the area code and first three numbers?"

"My area code of seven-five-seven and that's all you're going to get. I've already told you my number is with another provider and is unlisted. It would mean nothing to you. Why are you even asking for it?"

"So our technicians will know exactly where to go."

"Don't tempt me like that Ken. Are you saying my street address isn't enough for your technicians to find me?"

"This way they can pinpoint your exact location. What's the name on the account?"

"Oh for the love of-; how many times I have to tell you I'm NOT the customer with your service. As far as I can tell, the cable is running to ----- --------'s house, but don't hold me to that. It won't be difficult for your technicians to see my complaint IF THEY'LL JUST SHOW UP! Now punch some buttons, send some mesages, do whatever you have to do to get this unsighlty thing underground or I will alert city officials about how you're infringing on my property."

Silence came from his end. For a second I thought he'd hung up. Finally he said "Okay I've put in the request. Technicians will be out to your home soon."

"How soon?"

"Within twenty-four to forty-eight hours."

"Fine, I'll wait. But if they show up at your customers' house asking what the trouble is, get a surprised expression while being told everything is working, and then leave without looking over here I will take matters into my own hands. You know, there have been strangers wandering through my backyard recently and I think I saw one of them with an axe! Have a nice day." Then I hung up. I guess I'll have to see if their technicians can find me with just my street address.

As a footnote I realized after hanging up the wire is outside their easement areas. If it's buried where it now rests I won't be able to put in a garden or plant trees or bushes. To offset the possibility of technicians thinking I don't mind, I crafted two signs directing them to either remove the bamboo so they remain inside the easement, or take it to the neighbors' easements behind and beside me. Lazy subcontractors need not set foot on my land. One was placed on the outside of my closed gate, and the other is taped to their plastic monstrosity in the backyard. I only hope they can read.........

Even though it's still lightly raining outside, too many people are lurking about. I'll have to wait until later to see if phase 2 is completed or if I have to allow more time. That's okay, better safe than sorry pardon the cliche.

The problem with cutting the line is it can be easily repaired Kelly. I'm insuring that wire will be of absolutely no use. Blue, we can all thank our local officials for granting utility companies the right to trample all over our border plants. Easement rights permits companies the ability to enter private property for either new lines or new customers even if said new customer isn't you. However they do not have the right to take over your yard. Their authority ends six feet away from the border.

I know what Verizon is going to say. They're going to demand I remove the bamboo or allow them to bury the wire where it is. That's when I'll remind them the reason I couldn't control the bamboo is because of their prior tower and wiring in that area which prevented me from digging the bamboo out. Plus I'll say if they're unwilling to remove the bamboo, run the blasted wire behind it. All the previous paragraph has been written on two signs outside, placed in obvious view of anyone Verizon sends out. I'll just be ready to repeat it in case they can't read.

I'm sorry I can't be more specific at this time. There's no telling if a Verizon employee is following what I type. It isn't that I'm afraid they could come after me since those geniuses couldn't locate me with a street address. I just don't want them to come prepared to do a patch job. When I can I'll step outside for inspection of phase 2.

Heavy rains yesterday prevented me from inspecting phase two. Earlier today the sun shone. Phase two is underway, proceeding as anticipated. Later tonight phase three begins.

Hehehehehehe; phase three successfully initiated. Now I wait to see if my message is received or if I need to repeat the final phase.

Damn...I REALLY wanna know what it is you did!! LOL. Sounds so diabolical! But I understand your concerns with sharing it. But I do hope it works! Good luck! Keep us posted.

The fact I've brought their internet connection to a speed slower than dial-up, made their TV picture look like they're receiving a far-away station using rabbit-ear antennas, and/or forced them to shout while talking on their phone has made me feel slightly successful. Verizon has not shown up yet, leading me to believe they're having the snobs jump though hoops running all sorts of tests before sending a tech out.

This may seem evil, and I guess in a way it is. But I can't help wonder what would've happened if the roles were reversed. Would those snobs be as patient as I was trying THREE times over TWO AND A HALF WEEKS to get Verizon to fix this matter, or would they have done the obvious by cutting the wire? Chances are they'd do the second. Plus if I'd be the one getting service, the first thing I would've done was to check the wire. It's easily visible from their deck. If that were my deck I would've demanded Verizon to bury the wire in the easement immediately or remove all their equipment from my premises. My reasons are two-fold. First the wire could be damaged thus resulting in problem reception or no reception, a selfish but reasonable concern. Second I'd have more consideration for my neighbors' properties and ask if the technician guilty of such a lazy act would mind having a wire disecting his yard. Therefore I have no remorse in my actions.

Rain helps my plans. It's supposed to rain tomorrow night. If Verizon hasn't been out to move the wire to its proper location I'll apply a second dose of phase three late tomorrow afternoon which will end all service to the offending house.

Can you imagine what must be going on inside their home? You'd think by now they'd demand Verizon back out to take care of the trouble. Maybe they did, I don't know. I guess we'll have to see how long it takes for someone to come here. When they do I'll be waiting.

Hahahahahaha....that's GREAT! How do you know you have slowed their service, and made their phones not work properly? Have you talked to them? I'm glad your plan is working. Keep up the good work!

I know from first hand experience what happens to service when the insulation is damaged to wires Kelly. Trust me when I say that insulation is damaged. Should Verizon simply bury it as is they'll be back in a short period of time. No way can that wire sustain signal strength necessary for internet connectivity, HDTV, or digital communications right now. Put in in a constant state of dampness and all signals will be lost.

There is an update. Today when I woke up and looked out the back window, I saw new red paint indicating the easement. The wire is still above ground in its original location but that won't last. Whoever marked my yard like a blind dye-infested dog has read my warning signs and saw how far outside the easement their "wonder-worker" went. It's obvious the person sent to turn my yard into some sort of bizarre runway tried to connect the dots but couldn't. Their wire is encroaching on my private property, put there without my knowledge or consent. I need to think about whether to add more "thank you gifts" or wait. If I decide to wait that wire better be in the ground along their forced easement no later than tomorrow.

My patience is at an end. Even though I extended my self-imposed deadline by a day the wire is still above ground in its location. It's time for more drastic actions.

I shouldn't have permitted the last rain to pass without use. Verizon obviously doesn't care about public sentiment when it comes to non-customers. Therefore I am acting in the only manner available.

The webcam on my notebook is aimed at the offending area. With one hundred thirty-one gigabytes of free space on the hard drive I'll be able to record over a day's worth of activity at a time. Should the workers try sneaking in again I'll have it all documented for future legal action if necessary. Tonight as most others sleep I'll irreversibly begin the absolute final step in my own form of recall.

Before I do my Lizzie Bordon impersonation, I want to make absolutely certain Verizon has no legal retributions to levy against me. A web search of my local government created some doubt as to the size of easement rights utilities have. If what I read is true, Verizon can bury the cable where it lies. A phone call to the planning council Monday is in order.

What I also read is any utility company can seize additional easements as long as certain criteria are met. Most of the listed requirements would not qualify Verizon with one exception. If they place a cable on property that remains unchallenged for a period of time (and that time I don't know), then by default the utility company can assume approval of the landowner for their use. At this time the only proof I have to contest that claim is a service ticket number assigned the last time I tried getting them out here. They have the resources for a court battle, I do not. It's doubtful my homeowner's insurance would cover such legal fees, and I don't know if any consumer rights' agencies would take up the case. In any event I'll know a little more Monday and will post an update.

Twenty minutes to four in the afternoon on Monday and the wire is still above ground. I called the planning commission some time ago. The deputy I spoke with stated "as near as I can tell the city owns five feet in the back. Without a survey I really can't be more specific." I bet if the city started taxing on a square-inch basis he'd have no trouble locating exact dimensions. Then I explained about the Verizon wire being between fifteen and twenty-five feet from both the back and side borders due to bamboo that had grown around Verizon's previous tower. I asked what could be done. He responded "This is not the right department to handle complaints of that nature. It sounds like a private property issue between Verizon and you." When I asked who to call for help, he said "You could try zoning and permits to see if Verizon has a permit to place the wire, or if they even need one. As I said this appears to be a private property issue."

I should've known better than to anticipate help from my local government. The deputy stated this is a court case to be brought about by one or the other party. Since my homeowner's insurance won't pay attorney fees for something of this nature should I instigate action, that leaves me with no recourse. Tonight, as others sleep nestled in their beds while most creatures are not stirring, static will be accidentally born!

It looks like the war is over. I won and am now monitoring the peace treaty. Yesterday I learned an important clue. Since the city was powerless to help me in my so-called private property dispute with Verizon, it worked both ways. They were helpless to file any sort of complaint against me. It's time to disclose just how clumsy I've been the last several days.

Phase one was somewhat borrowed from another of my posts, "Healing Properties Of Cigarettes". One evening just before dark I left the comfort of my home smoking a cigarette, walking to the wire where it was on my property. Wouldn't you just know it? The practically new cigarette accidentally tumbled from my lips, coming to a landing on the insulation. In horror I watched it melt away the plastic covering all the way to the wire. That really burned me! Imagine wasting a perfectly good cigarette as expensive as they are!

Phase two was a two-edged boo-boo. Deluxe rabbit food spilled in three piles on top of the wire, and a small compost pile somehow formed over it as well! Rain didn't deter the bunnies from enjoying their post Thanksgiving feast but it enabled me to move ahead with phase three.

Draino crystals are dangerous if gotten on skin. Therefore as I went outside in search of that elusive clogged backyard drain, in my paranoia some accidentally spilled on the insulation. Just to make sure no one walked on it barefoot I was forced to cover it with damp compost conveniently close at hand. It sounded like steaks on a grill as I walked away.

That wire was like the old Timex watches; takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'! At least that's what I think. Why else would anyone put up with poor signal quality unless it wasn't all that poor? In the wee hours of this morning I realized we needed some bamboo shoots for our Christmas decorations. My wooden handled tree branch cutters easily snipped through what I needed. However in the darkness I accidentally cut something else. It was too dark for me to see what so I gathered the bamboo and returned inside.

The wire was moved by the time I got up this morning. I'm in the process of monitoring the recording of my backyard I made last night. Thus far no one has set foot but I'm probably only up to 7:30 A.M. Now the wire is slung across the top of my fence running behind the bamboo.

About an hour ago as I was in the attic, my doorbell rang. The guy running the new wire asked permission to enter my backyard. Since they'd already been there I found it redundant but I didn't give up the opportunity. I asked why it took so long for him to move the wire off my property, that I'd called Verizon three times. He responded he just got the call and was in the process of exploring burial avenues. I came dangerously close of asking if said burial was a funeral for a dead wire but held my tongue in check. Rather I repeated what was on the fence sign now faded from time in the elements. In no way would he bury it off the easement. He had a choice. Either remove the bamboo which migrated to my yard from another yard and I've been unable to dig it up thanks to Verizon, or run it behind the bamboo. He's going to check the neighbor property easements behind and beside the bamboo which might irk those neighbors but hey. The wire isn't for my house and misery loves company!

It amazed me how fast they got out here. I almost didn't set the webcam to record but thought I'd better. Perhaps the snobs were having troubles, constantly on the phone with Verizon trying this or that to improve signal reception. That would explain why, with an open repair ticket, a crew was out here so soon. I thought it would be a day or two before someone arrived to repair had it been a fresh call. Who knows? Anyway it appears to be over however I will remain vigilant until that wire is in the ground. We don't want zombie-wires running amok in the neighborhood!

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