| The Third Cycle I am currently in, what I call, my third cycle. It has been brutal at times, including a very long lasting fever which left me believing I had lost my mind in its beginning. Everything I touched led my mind through endless hapenings and patterns. If I had been able to hold the images slowly or take them in as fast as they came, it could have been wonderful. Instead, I was left entirely unable to navigate the world. The anticipation was difficult too. When I was well enough to take my temperature, I could see it working its way up. I would do all sorts of things to prevent my temperature from going up but it would climb steadily. Every time I hit 102 degrees, I was "gone." I know 102 isn't the highest temperature in the world to run, but for me, it was. Of course, I have no idea what it went up to after it got that high. The day I ended up in the hospital ER, I had called someone to take me to the hospital. Unfortunately he was also on call and was called to another ER himself. He called and asked me to hang on. I did not make it. I was holding a card with Psalm 23 on it. I was reading the prayer to sooth myself and the fever started climbing. I began to not be able to read, and I said a part of the prayer to myself, over and over again. "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want..." Soon I could not remember this, but I still held onto the card finding comfort in what it represented. When I went past the point of feeling the card, I remembered something ... Then the ambulance came. When I went to the hospital, I was a little more responsive. I had a bizarre mix of symptoms that left the ER unsure of what to do with me. I knew what I needed and the physician wanted to know how I knew what I had. Still in my feverish state, and only able to respond after great effort, I simply held up my Psalm 23 card. He said that is a symbol of my faith, not my illness. I closed my eyes. When morning came, I was referred to a specialist who said I did indeed need the treatment I had requested. He was surprised at the ER staff and their confusion. I had nine out of ten symptoms within my mass of symptoms to look for... Everything but the uncontrollable panic. My demeanor had confused them. Over time, things got better. I became more able to get around by myself. Then there was the darn truck accident which left me, what my physicians call, partially disabled. Hardly anyone can tell though, and I know the disability will not remain. I tell my physicians this, but if certain things do not improve within a year's time, you get that label. Lots of things have improved for me during this time. I do have special experiences that are growing in intensity. One of these came about because of a disagreement I had with another psychic who is supposed to be quite "renowned." This person told me I was possessed and that is why these things happened to me. I told this great psychic to go "moo." (Since this person is outstanding in the field...) This started all sorts of curses being hurled my way... The good old fashioned mind game types that make you attack yourself. Moooooooooooo! So one night, shortly after this incident, I was working very late. Around midnight, I needed a snack. I never bother turning on lights, because I see so well in the dark. I was going toward the refrigerator in the dark kitchen, when a shadow jumped at me. I did not even have time to develop "a fright", Instinctively, I did a dive gesture with one foot pushing me into the air, and all of a sudden, I was no longer "here." I became expanded, in a line that is so vast it was endless. Each part of me was so far apart from the other in this great place and I was a series of endless dots arranged in a line instead of a circle. (In meditation, I usually experience something much "smaller" than this that I would describe as an expanding circle.") It was wonderful, refreshing, like the first few seconds of that exhilarating feeling of jumping into cool water on an overly hot day! The difference this time is I could see. Someday, I am told I will here it too. My other foot touched the ground, and all of a sudden I was back and the situation had passed. All I could think about is how I wanted to do this again! It was so wonderful! I have approached this feeling a few times since then, but have not experienced it with the clarity of that moment. Every now and then I can connect to this to a certain extent in my dreams and meditations and bask in the golden glow for what seems like a very short time. It is too short of a time. I look up and see endless circles of golden glow interspersed with darkness that is more of a full circle to the line I experienced. Some day, I hope to learn how to hold this feeling and bring it with me wherever I go. I consider myself fortunate to have experienced this even for a very short time. |
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