Hey Martine,

 

I think you need some serious you time, and I think its probably just confirmation of that and that your vacation is long long overdue.

 

The underlying pattern is chaos and mess and a need to find calm - look at your life at the mo - there certainly is a lot of that aroundyou emotionally isn't there?  I think maybe its time to take a step back for a while and clear out, emotionally, physically, spiritually.  Are you trying to do too much?  The message I sense is not one of a do this or be damned, just a heads up that you maybe are taking on far too much to get anything done efficiently - you have to have a break to achieve more if that makes sense.  Are you about to take on more?  Perhaps you should pull back a little, for yourself, so that you can be focussed and directed going forwards.  Now is a time for recollection, sorting out and getting rid - loose the old baggage so that you can see clearly the things you need to see for yourself.

 

It's funny, I generally pick up on the energy of the people that post frequently when I first come in here.  I am going to do a reading for Jewels this week, and all the way home I was mentally preparping and closing down the day so that I could do it tonight for her before I had my dinner.  I came to site ready to sit and read and Charlie was having none of it.  So I started posting up the workshop pages for next week, and he's like will you just get on with it.  So I posted my apologies to Jewels, and went and had dinner with Barry, we had planned to watch a movie tonight, but one of his fave cheesy brit comedies is on, and so we decided he could do that instead and I would come back to this machine and do some graphics.  Before I fired up the art tablet I thougth I'd just check online, and I clicked in your message - Charlie reminding me i was supposed to sit and reply to it yesterday - Then he decides its time to write LOL and so here I am a long ramble - but he wanted me to share that with you.  I think his point is that we have to do what is right in the moment and then move on from it.  Things happen, sometimes good sometimes bad, but the thing is to move on from them and not hard the emotional baggage that comes with things sometimes.  I am sure this makes sense to you, and Charlie doens't want to go into great detail, so I wont go on further.  For me reading your dream was like a big Red stop sign - not in warning, just in Hey lady you gotta take care of you first then you cna take care of everyone else.  That starts with your inner being and will manifest in the outer you.  So it is in fact a lovely message, but man what a dramatic way they gave it to you.

 

I hope this helps, and that you had a truly lovely holiday.

 

Love and light Erika xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Erika,

 

Thanks for your message.  After reading yoru post I re-read my dream and kind of took it apart.  I know that lots of it is relevant to my childhood as we lived in a "haunted house" and the dead animals (and my father asking about the cows) probably has something to do with his business at that time (he was a butcher and owned a slaughterhouse).  We also lived in another province, hence the strange house in another place.  At that time we also lived in a small town and pick-up trucks were very  common.  Now the details are strange and I need to take some time and pick it apart, but I think that going back in time, when I was a child, represents me not having the full freedom as I wanted (as children we live under our parent's rules).  I often feel that way in my life now actually.  My husband is what I would call a high maintenance man.  I had taken lower jobs in my career (rather than really exciting possibilities) as he couldn't deal with my travelling or working late.  Then he couldn't even handle me having my current job.  He wants a settled life when he gets home.  He wants a clean house, supper on the table, a traditional "family" life.  Working I couldn't provide that as he finished work earlier than I did.  I was also responsible for the whole house and anything to do with my son.  This sounds very bad, I know.  When I was stressed out, and I would cry out in anyway, he would threaten to divorce me as he just couldn't "handle" it.

Now that I have stopped working, I had to do so because not only did he not help with anything around the house or with our son, he now needed help with his business.  The consensus was that working for him would also allow me flex time in dealing with my son and the home.  I have made sacrifice after sacrifice and it's not like he caters to me in anyway.  He actually forgot my birthday, our anniversary last year!

I feel as though he considers me a caretaker.  If I talk about my needs or how I feel, it ends up in a drastic fight and he can't handle it.  Growing up I was in the same situation.  I had to do what they asked nad study what the said I should study.  If I didn't do it their way, well, I would just have to "get out" of th house.  Then to be told all kinds of things like I would never survive out ther alone with them without an education (which they chose for me).  I have found closure with my parents and they are very respectful to me and treat me well.  However, because of my past growing up, I just ended up in the same situation but with a husband.  If he comes home and doesn't get a big greeting or if the house is in a disarray, he looses it.  My son has alos started bossing me around like some slave (but I put him in his spot asap).  I guess I feel trapped inside of myself (hense the house) and the mess and the house being strange is representitive of me not only feeling all messed up but also feleing like Ièm messed up amongst other people's things.  I have come back from holidays and I am playing the whole show.  I'm pretending to be that doting 1950's wife just to keep the peace.  I really hate it like you wouldn't believe.  I wonder if this is really what life wants for me.  If this is really what spirit wants for me.  I have lost so much focus on myself htat I can't even reach spirit in order to see if this is "right".  I just feel so overtaken that if I even mention it, I will just come across as some ungrateful brat.  But my mind tells me that I don't deserve this and that feeling like I don't deserve to be happy and do what I want to do becuase my focus is my "family" is wrong.  My husband keeps saying 'this is for the family, this is for the family".  I fell no it isn't.  It's for him.  It becomes for the family becaseu if he isn't happy, then no one is happy.  I want my son to be in a good environment and so I shut my  mouth.  So yes, he is right in that case, it is for the family. but it is only my sacrifice.  He claims he sacrifices too, whicn I know he does, but the whole arguement with him is useless as it never ends anywhere except that he is right, I am wrong, we are not meant for eachother, so I geuss we have to divorce.  He will never apologise or ask what he could do to make it work.  It's always me who has to beg to keep it together and then again, shut my mouth and play my part. 

Thank Charlie for me for putting the piece in place.

 

Martine

(((((((((((((Martine)))))))))))))))

 

I am sending you all the light i can muster here from work.

 

I have read your post and i want to thank you for sharing all that, it took courage and was problay quite hard to type it all down.  I am not sat here pittying you, plese don't worry, I am sat here sending you light to empower you.  i am also wondering if this is why you are having all those hassles with your house sale and moving - perhaps the next move you make will be one that is truly empowering and nothing but good FOR YOU.

 

I'd like to send you some healing honey if you would like, and I am asking the angels to come and guide you and keep you strong, whatever path you decide to follow regarding everything that surrounds you.

 

Love Erika xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi hun, I was drawn here so i had a read. I have spent most of my relationship with males going through the same thing. It was hard but i did leave all of them eventualy. Except the last one. With him i had three years of it but i put a stop to it and told him to go i couldnt do this anymore. Luckly he saw the reason and because it shocked him so much he changed into a loving supportive romatic man and future husband. But it took alot of repeated patterns untill i had to stop it or i would have gone crazy. They should not control (that take alot of time and energy) they should enhance and complement us as you should them. Breaking up was the best thing i did and Ant will agree with that. I am not saying split up by anymeans just wanted to let you know the patter can be broken and we all have the right to be happy. You say its for the family, but do you really want your son to treat his relationships with girls/woman like your husband? I know how hard it is ,how fustrating it can be. I pray you find the happyness you deserve.

 

Love Silver xxxx

Just a quick question ,what number house do you live in?

 

Love Silver xxx

Funny you were drawn to this post.....as I was typing away at your other post the other day, I started typing about THIS VERY DREAM that I posted awhile back!  How now when looking back it was representative of my life back then (whith that whole spirit ordeal).  I just didn't want to get into too much detail so I erased it!

Anyhow, the house number was 217

Isent it amazing how these things pop up and take on a whole new journey. They lead where they are ment to go. Boy this has certianly been a ride and I dont think this is the end of it for some reason.

 

 

The house you lived in fed off of fear. The more fear the more active it would become. Even if you were reciving energy, because of the fear it would go into the negative energy patern not the positive. I wish I could draw it for you .They are telling me there is also a lay line near the house. You might know of this already or be able to find out. I feel a number 6 house would be best for you. There is a need for change / redirection in your life.

 

Love Silver xxxx

I know that we lived in fear alright and I know that is why it was so bad.....

A lay line??????  I'm a bit blonde right now....but Don't know what that is!

Redirection is going to happen soon....moving to the country! yeah!  Funny thing is my mom's friend lives in the town (Where I'm moving) and has lived there for the last 35 years.  She developes and helped me a lot near the end of that whole ordeal at the old 217 home.....

I saw her a few weeks ago and she told me that she is a part of a group up there and will introduce me once I move down if I wish....perhaps this is the direction...lol  we'll see!

 

ps my new current house number is 277 and my new one will be 2847...

The new house is very good for you. It will bring you balance, amongst other lessons it will be the place you make you whole.

 

 

Love Silver xxxx