(Back to front page)

                        

        Wonder why she calls her dog "Clinton?" 

A fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish."

"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband", said the wife. The fairy moved her magic wand and - abracadabra! - two tickets appeared in her hands.

 

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

 

The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish. The fairy made a circle with her magic wand and - abracadabra! Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.

 

Moral: Men might be bastards....   But fairies are... female.  

Blonde on blonde

      ....................    

 

A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde girl in a convertible sports car for speeding.   She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver's licence.

The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain.

Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"

 

The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."

 

The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it and sure enough sees herself in the mirror.  She hands the compact to the blonde cop.

 

After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over, we could have avoided this whole thing."

  Eye of Gratitude

In the prime of her career, a world famous painter started to lose her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall.

When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art -- the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"

The eye doctor responded, "I said to myself, 'Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.'

---

To the Rescue

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency.

"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried.

"It's my people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you", replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it, " said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied the President.

Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.

George hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the president of the condom company.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one!"

Time Saver

 

I was in a restaurant once and all the waiters had spoons in their pockets. I asked why. The reason I was told, was that people eating dropped spoons more often than any other silverware. A time study expert told the restaurant owner... to have the waiters keep a spoon in their pocket. It would save 2.43 minutes to get the spoon from their pocket, when requested by someone who dropped it, rather than runing to the kitchen.

 

Then I noticed, all the waiters had strings sticking out of their flys. My curiosity forced me to ask. I was told that by using a string, tied to, yup, you guessed it, they could remove the necessary body for a relief break without touching anything, thus saving 3.12 minutes not having to wash their hands.

 

Then I thought and just had to ask how they got it back in. One waiter said "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon"!

 (Back to front page)