Two guys were discussing popular family

trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said,


"I didn't sleep with my wife before we got


married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her


maiden name?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------



A little boy went up to his father and asked:


"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come


from?"

The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got


it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine"

A doctor examined a woman, took the


husband aside, and said, "I don't like the


looks of your wife at all,"

"Me neither, Doc," said the husband. "But


she's a great cook and really good with the


kids."

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if


he can remove a curse he has been living


with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says,


"Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact


words that were used to put the curse on you.


The old man says without hesitation, "I now


pronounce you man and wife."

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A


Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can


you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"




The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating


the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied

"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"


"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in


Juan."

The investigation of Martha Stewart continues.


Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite


efficient. First you boil the chicken in water.


And then you dump the stock.

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night,


staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants


he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the


best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How


do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looks him over and replies,


"Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."

Joe: "Really?"

Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't


believe in hell."

A man is recovering from surgery when a


nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K.


but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor


used in surgery," he answered. "What did he


say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS!"

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband

and I passed a display of bathing suits . It had been


at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had


even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought


my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked.


"Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"


"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it


all in one."

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old


granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.


She turned and looked at him for an explanation.


He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied, "How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say "a$$hole"


afterwards.