A friends of mines mother lost her son in a most tragic way. He was held hostage for three months, with little food water and no light, and eventually on a bungled rescue mission, decapitated.
His mother was obviously inconsolable at this time, made worse by the fact that it took three months from being told of his passing until the burial could go ahead, due to red tape.
She lost months of her life to grief so pure she didnt know where she was half of the time, and she lost the ability to function completely for a while. Slowly she began to recover, life would never be the same again but she had started to smile and talk about the fond memories she had of her first born child.
One day out of the blue, they had a phone call to tell them the murderers had been found captured and would ultimatley suffer the same fate as her son. This completely sent her downhill once more not because it brought it all back to her, but the fact that those responsible would lose their lives also.
"They are someones sons brothers and fathers and i dont want anyone else to suffer as i have. Darren is safe healed and happy now what more could a mother wish for her son" ? were her words to me.
That simple sentence was the point of recovery for her, not to stop hurting, as i dont think that ever stops, but learning to live with the pain and to function as normally as possible.
In everyday life we allow petty actions or words to bother us, sometimes to such an extent it can ruin the whole day. What i learnt from her was if she can forgive such a tragic thing to her and her family, the petty everyday junk life throws at us is really of no consequence whatsoever.
One of the best gifts we can give to ourselves is forgiveness to others. It allows us to move on. Holding grudges, can make us into people we do not wish to be, bitter and angry at the world. It takes time to forgive, but if we can do that the burdens we carry would surely be lightened.
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