THE GUN ROOM

I will attempt to write some interesting stories that happened to me during my tour of duty both in the Regular Army and the Army National Guard. I will write about humorous incidents and a few unbelievable happenings. The bloody, dying and killing scenes will not be written about as they are already eating my soul enough without rehashing them in the open.

When I was stationed at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri I was in the 1193th MP Battalion. I was in my patrol car with my partner and we got a call listed as a 10-18. Which means 'disturbance at the EM club' For those readers that are not Army I will use sidebars explain the Army talk. (EM Club = Enlisted Mens Club) This was nothing unusual as we get about a half a dozen of those on a weekend night.
When I walked into the club there was a crowd around one of the pin ball machines. Clearing my way through I found the BIGGEST WAC (Womens Army Corps) I had ever seen. She had to be at least 6'-4" and weigh around 300 lbs. She had a soldier on the pin ball machine and was bashing his head against the score board. Everytime she bashed him the machine would pay off with about 500 extra points. Buy the way she was working at it she obviously was trying for a World Record. I stepped up behind her and said. "Lady , put that man down." Nothing.... Clearing my throat I said a little louder, "MA'MM ! PUT THAT MAN DOWN!" Nothing.... So because the rules of engagment specifically states that you cannot shoot your own troops unless they are traitors it left me with only one alternative. I pulled my baton (the Army name for a billy club) and tapped her lightly on the back of the head. And shouted "PUT THAT MAN DOWN!" She heard that one and swung around and threw the soldier at me. Being a only boy with 4 dish-throwing sisters at home I had very quick reflexes and ducked. Unfortunately my partner was not so quick (a only child) the thrown soldier hit him and they both went end over appetite and ended up under a table. That left me standing nose to nose with a very angry and monsterous woman. She hauled back a big fist to put out my lights and being a Gentleman, as all the ladies in the club know, I just lightly clipped her on the side of the head and my obvious faulty baton broke. She hit the ground with a thud and the whole building shook for long seconds. Just as I was defending myself and the US Army Corp. a drunk Sargeant stumbled out of the latrine (Army name for the rest room). He witnessed my blow and got in my face about respecting a woman, etc. His breath would make me fail a balloon test and I had just about enough of this whole situation so I jabbed what was left of my baton into his big fat belly. Mistake. He threw up all over my uniform.
Then our back-up arrived and after I had handcuffed Queen Kong and the fat vomiteer we took them and the pin ball victim with my partner to the dispensory (Army for first aid station) We hauled the WAC in and put her on a table and the Doctor and a nurse arrived to check her out.
The Doctor was a Major and the first thing he said was "Take the handcuffs off that poor woman!"
"Uhh I don't think we should do that Sir." I suggested.
"That is an ORDER!"
"Yes sir." And I unlocked the handcuffs. Well she was just playing possum and when the cuffs fell away she came up off that table with a roar. The first thing she got a hold of was the front of the nurse's uniform and ripped it down to her waist. I looked blandly at the damage (to be able to write a detailed report at a later date) and that gave her the long minutes she needed to escape. She batted the doc aside and headed toward the door.
Still trying to do my ill conceived duty I stepped in front of her. She brushed me aside as if I was a mere cobweb but the result was I went flying backwards and hit a big cabinet full of medicine. The glass front broke and as did all the jars of medicine both liquid and pills. All over the back of my uniform was a kaleidoscope of colors oosing to my belt line. She made the doorway in time to meet my partner coming the other way. As they say about a irresistable force meeting a what-ever she and my partner met and he lost. He hit the wall on the other side of the hall hard enough to leave an impression of him in the sheet rock.
Then she made her biggest mistake, (not counting the one of trying to outsmart the Sarge) she turned left and ran down the hall. And the hall ended in a cul-de-sac. I called for some orderlies and we locked the door to the uniform closet she had run into. I then called for three more back-up teams. When they arrived I gave them their game plan. The room was small and would only allow one person through the door at a time so I figured the max of three would be all we would get in before she saw the opened door. "You you and you." Deliberately picking men I outranked. When I open the door you run in and put the cuffs on that woman that is hiding in there.
"OK. Gotcha, Right ON," they laughed as they swaggered to the door. I unlocked it, shoved them in and locked it securely behind them. I know that was mean but I sure wasn't going in there and I already had a ruined uniform. The sounds that came through the door was surely heart stopping and reminded me of a History Channel movie. After a short time I opened the door and shove three more MP's inside. (repeat above) Finally a garbled male voice yelled "We got her!" And she was pulled out by 6 beaten and broken MP's that were giving me hard and threatening looks as we attached more chains to her full sized body.
The Doctor screeched at us to take her to the hospital, any hospital but just get her out of here. So we took her out and lashed her down to a gurney in the ambulance. My poor partner was just coming too and I told him he probably had a concussion and we would take him to the hospital and he mumbled agreement. I helped him out to the ambulance and held the back door for him, giving him a boost. He was almost all the way in the ambulance when he saw the WAC laying on the gurney."NO NO!" he screamed and grabbed the door attempting to get out.
I did not know he was not all the way in and I slammed the other door. Right on his fingers.!! He screamed and the ambulance shook as he jumped up and down inside the door. "What the heck" I thought, And I opened the door to shout at her to shut up! My poor partner fell into my arms moaning and mumbling incoheriently. We finally got him to go to the hospital in a jeep as he would not set foot in that ambulance again. When we arrived at the hospital we just left the ambulance at the emergency room door with a note to "help the lady" and we quietly stole away.
Sarge the guy with the ruined uniform.