Do you know someone that is self absorbed?  Maybe a neighbor, coworker, Vegas Babe or Krusty the Clown?

People who are preoccupied with themselves can be a challenge to cope with and are boring conversationalists.  They often feel insecure, and as a result, try to get everyone to focus on their needs. These people are very needy and have drama and continued sagas in their life.  They tend to focus on what is going wrong in life, blaming others and are accusers. It is often hard to get them to think or talk about anything else but themselves.

There is no magic answer for dealing with such people, and when the listener gets a glazed or spaced out look the self absorbed person does not seem to notice.  Why?  Have you ever met someone for the first time and within twenty minutes of the conversation you know the self absorbed whole life story?  Like the son that just got back from the Afganistan War or was involved in a Black Sabbath shooting? 

Usual this does not work but try acknowledging the person's feelings, VERY briefly. Don't focus on the their details of woe or the cousin that died in the Pentagon, but merely comment, "I realize that is bothering you", or "Wow you survived a Black Sabbath shooting".  Then, immediately change the topic and hope that it does not  ultimately return back to the self absorbed person. 

Talk about something objective, whether it's the latest news, what is on television, or some factual information about something else because a self absorbed person are known liars and you want to be truthful.  It may not change them from focusing on themselves, but it will likely distract them for a while but it will be briefly.

If they bring up themselves again, like their personal life dramas the ex-something at the resturant, keep bringing up other issues. Eventually they may realize they are not getting the responses and attention they want.  Self absorbed people crave attention and must have it even if it is from complete cyber strangers in a chat room.

Once you acknowledge their feelings, refuse to get caught up in their saga again. You can do this several ways. You can tell them that you got their message in chat, but do not wish to hear more about it at this time. If they continue, just break in and type, "I am not interested in discussing the Vegas Babe Behavior(VBB) right now", and try to bring up another topic. 

This strategy may or may not work. So, just repeat the exact words you just used previously, and in the same text tone in a chat room. You continue to text your repeated position, as often as you have to. With some people this may be many times and with ones that are almost 60 years old many, many times.

They may continue to bring up topics you don't want to listen to or respond to. Tell them that, politely and clearly. Then, don't listen or respond to what they are saying. More than likely, they will notice you are quiet, and ask why you aren't responding. Then, gently and calmly, remind them of what you just told them a few moments ago, that you are not going to respond to that topic.

Despite our best efforts, we have absolutely no control over anyone else's behavior. But we can control our own responses to the documented and recorded syndrome called "Vegas Babe Behavior" or VBB.  And we can choose to respond in ways that we take care of ourselves and not believe everything that people text in a chat room. 

 Designed and written by Walter Matthews