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| | | From: MomOf4 (Original Message) | Sent: 10/30/2006 7:23 PM |
Since we are in no way shape or form professionals we thought we would start off this discussion with various clinical explanations of ANGER. This is by no means a comprehensive list, just some general ideas. - Angry behaviors are learned over the life span and therefore can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns of coping.
- Anger can be an immediate reaction to an isolated event or it can be a response after numerous events.
- To repress anger is unhealthy and yet to express it impulsively, as we so often do, may give momentary relief but inevitably will carry negative consequences. To alter our angry responses, we need to understand from where it comes.
- There are a variety of factors that increase the probability of an anger reaction.
- If we have seen our parents get angry first and resolve an issue after, we are more likely to use the same approach. Thus, types of anger are learned.
- If we are frustrated and feel stressed, we are more likely to react with anger.
- If we are tired, we are more prone to react in an angry fashion. If we tend to hold our feelings inside rather than talk them out, we are more likely to have an angry outburst as the pressure increase much like a pressure cooker.
- If we have lost someone very special to us and having trouble
understanding or coming to terms with it. This group is in no way affiliated with any of the sites listed below. We are just trying to provide you with other arenas that may be of help to you. You can also do a web search of anger and find all kinds of sites. These are just a few we found right off.... Anger mangement articles on the web: Here is one of the most extensive online libraries covering all aspects of grief. It's full of resources including articles, papers, books by some of the foremost professionals on grief and all it involves. It also provides links to other areas. |
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| | | From: MomOf4 | Sent: 10/31/2006 5:51 PM |
Description and meaning of anger: Anger is a feeling of keen displeasure (usually with a desire to punish) for what we regard as wrong toward ourselves or others. It may be excessive or misplaced, but is not necessarily criminal. Resentment is often a moody feeling, leading one to brood over his supposed personal wrongs with a deep and lasting anger. |
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| | | From: MomOf4 | Sent: 10/31/2006 6:03 PM |
For a long time after my Bobby died, I was angry..with myself for not being able to do something to save him...I am a health care professional, trained in CPR and basic life support, and yet I could do nothing. Later, I was angry at him for leaving...for doing this to me, who loves him more than life...and his sisters and brother who loved him and looked up to him...and his wife and children who needed him... I was angry at a family member in another state, who did not come and bring my mother-in-law who was visiting them at the time....(this one took me the longest to get over) I am no longer angry with Bobby. He did nothing wrong. He did not die on purpose..though he was in pain, he loved life and all of us, and would not 'do this to us'. I am less angry with the family member. They had their own family and things to deal with...I don't know why I should expect them to drop everything and go 1500 miles...oh, well, it's been 5 1/2 years, it's time to let it go.................. My Bobby was a kind, loving, and compassionate person, and I know that he would want me to let it go and to be happy...So, that's what I am trying to do. Love and hugs....Rean |
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I can certainly relate to that Rean. When Andy suddenly died it sent me right into a tail spin. At first I was in total disbelief that this had even happened. I thought I was caught in a nightmare and couldn't wake up for the longest time. I kept hoping that Andy was going to walk right through that door like he usually did. But of course he never did. Then I became really angry at Andy for having taken the pill because I felt he knew better. Then I was angry for him having taken the pill while he was staying with me. There was no doubt that I hated the Oursien boy with a passion because I felt that he had killed my grandchild, and I would never see that beautiful face, or hear his humourous voice again. After thinking about it for awhile I knew I couldn't be angry with Andy...he was just a kid. He was a kid that made a terrible mistake and paid for it with his life. I believe when Andy took that darn pill he took it believing what he had been told about it, and with every intention on waking up the following morning. He didn't take it out of spite for me, or his parents, or his brother so he could die and make our lives miserable, he took it because he thought it would make him feel like he had drank a few beer without the smell of booze on his breath. He did what a lot of kids do, but he paid the ultimate price. Then came the loneliness and the reality that he was never coming back. No matter how many times I wished or promised to do things, he will never come back. This is where I have problems accepting. My brain tells me that there is nothing I could have done to prevent what was to be the inevitable, but my heart cries constantly on how senseless it was to lose such a young, polite, fun-loving, potential young man over one lousy 200 Mg. dose of MSContin. He had so much life in him and as parents and grandparent we had expectation of what he would become. All those hopes and dreams were shattered in less than one night. Now I still yearn and miss him terribly, but all I can do is hang on to the beautiful memories he left behind so I can do my best to keep him alive by sharing his them with others. His death will also be an instrument to warn others of the dangers that can happen when ingesting other people's prescribed medications. He will forever be in my heart, and I will love him until the day I die. Hugs...Shannon |
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Everyone handles anger differently: I knew that on the day of Bobby's funeral Bob and I would have a bit to discuss, so I asked my hubby to drive himself and his brother, I'd drive myself. I remember crying the entire way, demanding God to answer me. I also thought of just not showing up...certainly everyone could understand my grief. Finally, in the parking lot I just prayed for God to get me through this one day. The church was FILLED, and afterward I noticed that the school had deliverd THREE busloads of Bobby's friends and classmates. It was during the luncheon afterward when I really felt God's hand already beginning to work my soul. A lady came up to me and said "You must be REALLY angry with the driver of that car." It was then that I realized even from the day Bobby died, I wasn't angry with ANYONE. Even now, I realize that is was simply an accident. My sister who is a lieutenant with the city's police department had been my liason with the state police and the county sheriff. She told me that the state, after investigating, DID have enough evidence to prove fault and wreckless driving (no kidding), and did I want to file charges. I said absolutely NOT. All I had to do was think back to my teenage driving experiences and I realized that this driver was simply inexperienced and had no intention of hurting, much less killing, anyone. I made the decision (with God's help) that I could not allow myself to be angry or bitter the rest of my life. I have no idea if this would be my feeling had Bobby been intentionally killed. Nancy Stroosnyder |
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It's funny. I hadn't been to a group site in sometime.And as I search the pages of this site I came across the very thing that has been on my mind.I often lay awake at night, seething with anger.Last night was such a night as has been several in recent days for me.I lose sleep because I can't release the anger.I think I am coming to terms with my grief but not my anger.I need to come back to you all and my other groups more often.It seems to help though, I just don't feel as if this anger will ever diminish.Those of you who remember me and Liam's story can , maybe, understand.How Liam's own mother could be so careless, selfish, drunk. To put him through that torturous death....it's simply unforgivable.I wish for her to rot in hell for all eternity!That is my wish and that is what I know will be true.If only that would happen sooner than later, perhaps my anger would subside |
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| | | From: MomOf4 | Sent: 2/16/2007 6:40 PM |
Justin...It is good to hear from you again...I am glad that you found this post, so that maybe you could release some of your anger....Yes, I do remember you and your precious Liam. That was such a tragedy...and, I can certainly understand why you would be so angry....I do know that anger can eat us up and keep us from enjoying life and what we have left. As hard as it will be for you to do, you have to find a way to get rid of some of that anger, or perhaps channel it in a good way...I wish that there was something that I could say that would help you..but, I doubt there is anything that anyone could do or say that would help. I just hope that you do come back to your group, and at least have it as a place to vent some of your anger....we are good listeners. I wish you peace and gentle healing. Rean |
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