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| | | From: MomOf4 (Original Message) | Sent: 7/22/2007 7:55 PM |
All of us here at Child Loss--Grieving With The Family...know, all to well, what it means to "start over". For me, I had to 'start over' 6 years ago after I lost my son, my precious Bobby. I took a long time off work... and when went back to work, I felt like everyone was watching me to see if I was 'ok', and they were very careful to not say anything wrong. A couple of years later, when it seemed that other family members, (including Bobby's wife and children) were moving on.....I felt as though I was stagnating...stuck in a rut...(get up, to to work, come home, sit on the couch untill bedtime, go to bed and not be able to sleep, get up and go to work....and the cycle seemed to go on and on......My husband and I decided we HAD to do something to get out of the hole we were in...so, when I retired, we sold the house in California that we had lived in for 30 years......and we moved to Oklahahoma and bought another house....that seemed to help...but, it created another problem....now I miss my daughters and grandchildren and friends back in California. It is coming up on Bobby's birthday....he would be 36 years old on July 27. It is hard to imagine that day without him here. But, he is seldom out of my mind for long , and always in my heart! I know that your loved one is always in your heart, also. Others here have had to attempt to start over more recently. Please, tell me how you dealt with "starting over". Love and hugs...Rean |
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Rean,
I still can't start over it was 31 months yesterday but I see no light at the end of the tunnel. My daughter has gone on with her life. She has remarried and I am not dealing with that at all. I have made a trip to Karl's home town in Michigan the first of June to see my grandchildren. Karl would be so proud of his children. Kelsey just finished high school, and plans to go to college. She wants to be a police officer, and then a CSI. I am so proud of her and I know Karl would be to. I know you wanted starting over..........but this is what I have. I just can't find it in my heart to start over. There is just so much going on within the family since Karl has gone. I pray to Karl and ask for him to help things get better, but it just seems to go down hill more and more every day. Please pray that things get better............I don't know how much more of this I can take. Love and hugs Cat |
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| | | From: MomOf4 | Sent: 7/23/2007 8:34 PM |
I understand what you mean by others starting over...my Bobby's widow has moved all the way from California to New Jersey to be with a man she met on the internet. And, even though I am told that he is good to her....I am having a hard time with it. I know that Bobby would not want her to be alone for the rest of her life....but, I still consider her as HIS wife. I don't believe that Karl would want his wife to be alone forever either. I hope that man she married is good to her and the children. I guess it is harder for the parent or grandparent to move on than it is for anyone else. 31 months is not really very long... and there is no time table for grieving. I am glad that you get to see your granchildren. They are pretty special to us. My Bobby's daughter is expecting her first baby...I know Bobby would be so happy...and he would be a good grandpa. I know it's hard to believe that things will get better.... but, I believe things do get better....for some, it just takes a little longer...Bobby has been gone for 6 years...it is better, but, there are still some bad days. Take care of yourself.... Hugs...Rean |
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Hi Rean and Cat, I find it hard to try and move on because I'm always thinking that Andy should be here with us. On the 14th. of July my daughter-in-law, Anna, put on a little graduation party for my granddaughter Crystal, and she invited both sets of grandparents to come celebrated with them since Crystal was the first of our grandchildren to graduate from high school. The party was held at June's place (Andy's mom) because her washroom is on the main floor and with her mom being so ill and all it was more convenient for everyone. Anyway, during this party I was taking all kinds of pictures of everyone, so I told the kids to come outside so I could take a good one of my grandkids. Everything seemed find until I looked into on the view finder to focus my picture. There stood my three grandchildren with big smiles on their faces, and suddenly my heart just sunk right to the ground. There was definitely someone missing in that picture, Andy should have been there... but he wasn't. My heart suddenly felt like it was swelling, and I instantly began to tear up. Of course I had to pretend that some dust had blown into my eye and caused it to water because I didn't want to put a damper on the party, but it's moments like that when I realize what a precious gift I've lost. Aside from that I go to the cemetery regularly to visit his grave and talk with him a lot. I've also created a website for him at http://andrew-andy-tessier.memory-of.com/ which keeps me busy, and some of his friends created a group for him on "Facebook" where I am also a member. I thought my days of crying would have slowed down a lot by now, but they haven't yet. I still think of him on a daily basis, and I miss him terribly. I often feel I am stagnating as well, and I get depressed a lot. I really don't know if my life is moving on or not, but I know that on October 15, 2004 my whole world changed, and it will never be the same again. Hugs...Shannon |
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