Hi. I have gone through all the emotions over the years re P here. I have gone from protective mother, to disapointed, to hurt, to sad..to being totally confused and bewildered and having my world ripped apart.........to today where I am happy again after a break from P here of just over 16months.

 

If I was to ask myself honestly did I want contact with P here the answer is a very loud NO!!! I would have loved a relationship with a daughter that should have/could have been....but that daughter never existed and is only an illusion. It takes 2 to make any relationship work and how can it be when one side of the equation just wants to dominate and destroy.

 

I learned to ditch the anger that welled up re this daughter.and from there on in life became much easier to deal with. I forgive my daughter for the terrible things she has done to me and the rest of the family and I have moved on. He who angers you controls you.and I am sick of being controlled by a monster such as this daughter is.

Dear Blueghost,

 

I too, can relate to your problem.  My advice would be to let her go.  Of course you can still love her and pray for her, but you don't have to continue the way it is right now.  She's an adult now and as long as she has you to blame for her problems, that's what she'll do.  Don't get sucked into her blame game.  The past is past and you did your best to be a good mother.  Now it's up to her.  When you start worrying about her just tell yourself, "It's not my problem."  That's what I do with my daughter.  The sooner she takes ownership of her life, the better. 

 

As far as her slandering you, just walk in your own integrity.  If you open your mouth to vindicate yourself, you'll only look cheap.  People know you, and if anyone chooses to believe a lie against you, they weren't your friend anyway. 

 

Get on with your life, she could suck you into a 24/7 taking care of her needs, her life, her problems if you let her.  I know from experience!  All that would do is drain you and then you won't be good to anyone, especially yourself.

 

If you do have any contact with her, via email or whatever, just keep it positive.  Communicate to her that you love her and are confident in her ability to make good decisions.  Affirm anything she's doing good, and don't give her any advise.  She doesn't want to hear it from you.  Hopefully, she'l have someone else give her good advice, but at this point in time, you're not the one who can help her. 

 

Have hope, it isn't over 'til the fat lady sings, as I always say!  Give it to the Lord and let Him comfort you.  "The joy of the Lord is your strength!"  I would've written yesterday, but I was too sad and angry about my own daughter, but that's another story.  I'm taking my own advice! 

 

Cyberhugs,

Marilyn

every time I had a bust up with P here she would say.......why do you always take it so personal??

 

dancer...you hit it on the head here. They are disordered.......and we can't change their behaviour.

 

We can see danger for our kids and we try to protect them from it..like  putting a finger in a plug socket.we tell them not to cos it will hurt.like looking both ways before crossing the road.we warn them of the dangers. we can see how their behaviour is going to end up.and we try to show them what they are doing..the more we show them how much we are worried about their behaviour, the worse they get. Eventually their disorder will destroy them.and thats sad enough.I also feel for all the people they take down there with them..and it makes me more determined not to go  there too..

The only thing you can do is give her to God.  Don't try and control things you can't, you're not in control God is...and keep on believing He has a plan.  That is what gets me through it.  People have to hit their rock bottom to change.  I have no idea if P's have a rock bottom but we can't let them lead us to ours:>)