Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child

My normal 16 year old son has been talking to P son on his cell phone. P left home when our normal son was only 5. It looks as if P son is trying to turn our normal son against us by telling him lies about me. I sent him a short e-mail telling him to leave P son alone. I probably should not have done that. I got a "syrupy" e-mail back from P telling me that I was the cause of all his problems and that I abused him and this is why he did all the things he has done. He says I victimized him and that there were too many rules. He claims that he told me he was "sorry" and that I disowned him as a result. This is the same child who attacked me when he raged at the age of two and I had to shut him in his room and hold the door closed(no lock) until he calmed down. I am so upset. He says that he hopes I don't disown my normal son who I happen to have a close relationship with. He lives so far away but I feel like he is wrapping his tentacles around us, again. I am so upset. Why did I send that stupid e-mail?

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Message 2 of 4 in Discussion

From:

pandora721

Sent: 4/03/2008 7:36 a.m.

Hi.....NC is the best way to give us time to think.....sounds like your son wanted to bait you and you bit.....thats all. And snap re the abuse. P kid tells the world.and her 3 sisters......how I beat and abused her to within an inch of her life on a regular basis.so her bad behaviour isn't her fault, its mine.so she can do anything she likes.and I am responsibile for it....don't think so!

At 16, its getting time for the normal kid to make his own mind up about his brother.and its so hard....our kids want to feel they belong in a family.and even if a sibling is bad or disordered, they do seem to look up to them. In my case, P is the youngest and 2 of her older sisters want to protect her..they feel they have grown and know what is what with P and so are protected.....all I can do is sit back and hope they don't get their fingers burned too badly.

P is not welcome in my house.her sisters can choose what contact if any they have with her..so can any other relatives...I choose NC.

Message 3 of 4 in Discussion

From:

bengalbuddy

Sent: 4/03/2008 1:17 p.m.

Pandora-thanks for your response. P son broke our hearts over and over and despite all we did to try and "help" him, he showed no desire to reform. My husband told me not to e-mail him again. He is right. Too much damage has been done. Yesterday, I became physically ill from P's e-mail.( i.e. shaking, weak, nauseated) I didn't sleep well last night, either. By the way, he was the one who initially cut off contact because I would not let him visit for Christmas because of his continued drug abuse. My husband says that he is just trying to make me feel bad and he knows exactly what buttons to push. Well, it worked. You are right. NC is best.

Message 4 of 4 in Discussion

From:

S11021

Sent: 4/03/2008 5:44 p.m.

As painful as it becomes NC is the best rule when a P becomes abusive and causes the parent to become emotionally damaged...they will use anything they can to control and negative control is still control. P's=Control.

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