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Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child[email protected] 
  
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General : Mental health? Oh, really!
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 Message 1 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN Nicknamebengalbuddy  (Original Message)Sent: 8/03/2008 2:41 p.m.
One thing that has really angered and hurt me beyond belief are my dealings with the mental health community.  I trusted and believed these people at first because of their "credentials."   They never knew what they were dealing with and just about every "mental health professional" had a different diagnosis. It's ADD, it's schizophrenia, it's tourette's, and on and on. One thing they all have in common though is the belief that "there are no bad kids, only bad parents."  What a crock! My parents were abusive by today's standards, but I am educated, have a great marriage, and a wonderful 16- year-old-son who I adore!  I have seen plenty of good kids come from bad families and plenty of bad kids come from good families.  You can't have anyone commited anymore no matter how dangerous they are to society. A hospital will only keep them until they are "stable". Remember the kid who killed those people at Virginia Tech? He should have never been let out out of the hospital, let alone on a college campus! He was really sick. As far as P's/N's are concerned,  the mental health community knows nothing, in my opinion.  It makes me so mad!!!  Thanks for letting me vent-bengalbuddy


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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 2 of 13 in Discussion 
Sent: 8/03/2008 3:57 p.m.
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 Message 3 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameunknownmsSent: 8/03/2008 7:50 p.m.
I also agree with you 100%. And what also makes me angry . . is when they can't find a reason for a person's evilness, they blame it on something that happened to the person beofre he was 4 years old. Try to disprove that???? Most of these psychologists & psychiatrists are idiots, and are looking for an easy explanation that is hard to disprove. They totally ignore scientific research and twins studies etc. But they are making money . . anren't they?

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 Message 4 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamesparkysmoonladySent: 9/03/2008 5:30 p.m.
Oh Man!!
 
Every time I drop in here to see how things are going I find a very apt subject to satirize.
 
Back in the 1970's - what some might call the GOOD OLD DAYS - they said -"The kid's alright - sedate the mother"
 
And I know you believe me
 
So I took 5 mg of valium - the first I ever took - and felt drowsy and stretched out on the kitchen floor and slept
 
And I had my delicate pre-term baby asleep in her room and my 3 year old P trashing the house
 
The women in my family tend to be pyschic and when I didn't answer the phone my mother drove like 15 miles to see if everything was okay - and I was so drowsy I couldn't keep my eyes open - and the baby needed a bottle and the P had emptied the cupboards he could reach
 
And this was my fault!!??
 
It's lucky my mother followed her instincts.
 
I raised a wonderful girl who turned into a wonderful woman and does a fantastic job with her step children as well as her own
 
And P was a total disaster
 
So like you - I am gob-smacked when the parent is blamed 52 ad infinitum
 
Teachers kept telling me I should "do something" but never told me what that "something" was
 
It didn't matter how much I praised my daughter - no one seemed to notice that
 
But is this valid - please people
 
Can we not say - before it all gets down to a fist fight alternative among parents and all other authoritities -
 
"Please consider my well behaved children before condemming me?"
 
Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
 Sparky

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 Message 5 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameS11021Sent: 9/03/2008 6:12 p.m.
We can spend what is left of our lives blaming ourselves for our P's or we can chose to spend it moving on and enjoying the joys we have each day...yes we have lost a child but we have not lost our ablitity to have joy and enjoy those who are left in our lives.   Is this easy?  Doing this will not come easy but we will become happier when we do this....Why let one unhealthy person destroy what happiness you have left?  Life is to short for that.   I lost a son who could have given me much joy with the right choices...but I did not lose the right to have joy in my life without him.

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 Message 6 of 13 in Discussion 
From: suzanneSent: 10/03/2008 6:45 p.m.
I am totally with you about your opinion of the mental health community.  I have 0 faith in them now also.


-----Original Message-----
From: Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child <[email protected]>
To: Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child <[email protected]>
Sent: Sat, 8 Mar 2008 9:41 am
Subject: Mental health? Oh, really!

-----------------------------------------------------------

New Message on Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child

-----------------------------------------------------------
From: bengalbuddy
Message 1 in Discussion

One thing that has really angered and hurt me beyond belief are my dealings with 
the mental health community.  I trusted and believed these people at first 
because of their "credentials."   They never knew what they were dealing with 
and just about every "mental health professional" had a different diagnosis. 
It's ADD, it's schizophrenia, it's tourette's, and on and on. One thing they all 
have in common though is the belief that "there are no bad kids, only bad 
parents."  What a crock! My parents were abusive by today's standards, but I am 
educated, have a great marriage, and a wonderful 16- year-old-son who I adore!  
I have seen plenty of good kids come from bad families and plenty of bad kids 
come from good families.  You can't have anyone commited anymore no matter how 
dangerous they are to society. A hospital will only keep them until they are 
"stable". Remember the kid who killed those people at Virginia Tech? He should 
have never been let out out of the hospital, let alone on a college campus! He 
was really sick. As far as P's/N's are concerned,  the mental health community 
knows nothing, in my opinion.  It makes me so mad!!!  Thanks for letting me 
vent-bengalbuddy

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 Message 7 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameVera206Sent: 14/03/2008 11:16 p.m.
OMG,,,,,,the DSCF ( due to my problems with daughter, I have been with so many therapists, marriage and family councilors etc).......they all HAVE NO CLUE. Always blame the parent, and of course it is DCSF's job to blame the parent. It is like people who purchase Rottweilers or Pit Bulls and beat them and teach them to fight and then the dogs are euthanized....owners hardly ever held responsible. Some kids are just bad, bad to the bone.....privileged kids who in many cases have been given everything...it's their genetics...remember the movie from 1956, "The Bad Seed"...the poor mother who protected the little girl. Turned out the mother herself was adopted by a wonderful family, but her biological mother was evil, it skipped a generation and came out in the little girl (an extreme example, most Ps are not murderer's). But some kids due develope these traits due to childhood abuse or being bullied......

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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 8 of 13 in Discussion 
Sent: 15/03/2008 6:12 p.m.
This message has been deleted by the author.

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 Message 9 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameS11021Sent: 15/03/2008 6:52 p.m.
All the self doubt I keep hearing on this board is exactly how our P's control us....and they know this because they want us to doubt ourselves...doing this only continues the toxic relationship we have with them and we have to break the cycle to grow healthy.  We are the ones that need to be the heros to ourselves by protecting ourselves from their actions and their control games.  ... Sherryl

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 Message 10 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN Nicknamemaligned1000Sent: 16/03/2008 6:33 a.m.
Hey all, when we were doing our homestudies for adoption, the social worker we used was also a social worker with a center for juvenile delinquents.  His quote was: "Some of them need bullet therapy".  Imagine that!  When were adopting our son we stayed in a bed n breakfast whose mom had committed her young teenager to a permanent treatment center because she couldn't do anything else with her.  Back then, in my 20's, I just thought it was THEIR problem but not mine.  I was a brand new adolescent psychiatrict nurse, and I had all the answers.  It wasn't long that I couldn't even keep up my CEU's -continuin education units because of the chaos and turmoil of a 2 yr old.  I have watched that adopted child abuse harmless animals, his siblings, and me, (because I am female). He lives with my inlaws/part step in law who are playing out family dramas with him agains us.  I can't tell you how deep the depression gets sometimes, but I am glad I have this forum to go to.  Love ya'll

Reply
 Message 11 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamekeepbeingtrueSent: 16/03/2008 6:26 p.m.
We too have been through the doctors, neurologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, pediatritions, etc...but this forum is what has actually opened my eyes to what I am really dealing with.  It is the first time I have found a place that really understands and KNOWS what is going on here:>)  It has been a breath of fresh air.  Our P has been out of the home since 14...7 years now and we are still recovering, and up until the past couple of weeks (since I found this forum) the guilt that we did something, anything, perhaps everything wrong, is finally turning inot relief and the knowledge that no matter what we would have done it would not have made a difference anyway.
Like some of you, my two younger kids didn't get the attention They needed growing up b/c all my attention was on P...it had to be!  That just added to the guilt...it is a vicious circle when you raise one of these tyrants.  Well, the age old question of "what I could have done differently" has been answered on this board.  NOTHING!  What a relief it was to know that, all by itself.  No more beating my head against the wall.  Thank you everyone for understanding:>)  You have no idea how my life has changed in the few short weeks since I found this place.  I am finally ready to get on with MY life, to help our family get on with thier lives...and to leave P behind, like I have to if I want to keep my sanity. 
The next hosptial that calls my home b/c P has landed himself in there in a drug induced psychotic episode is going to hear only one thing...No, we are not helping any more, No we have no answers for you, and NO we are not rescuing him!  Enough already.

Reply
 Message 12 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameVera206Sent: 16/03/2008 7:10 p.m.
Sherryl......your are right, thats what they do is make you question yourself and your own reality. Whether its husband or your own child or anyone else,,,,,we must listen to our inner voice and gut feelings about things....not have to have another person reaffirm...I am glad to wake up this morning and read what you wrote///I am trying to get my control back and should not use the word "trying" say that I am. I have something to share with this board.

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 Message 13 of 13 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameS11021Sent: 17/03/2008 2:38 p.m.
Vera, getting your control back in a on going process and I have spent many years fighting for this and winning sometimes and losing other times..but for me trying is better than not.  Yes it is a struggle not to give in to my feelings of failure because I have a P as a son.  I work hard not to give up on myself for having brought into this world someone who will only abuse,  but like you suggested I listen to my inner voice which tells me it is not my fault but his because he is the one making the choices.    I have found this one of the hardest things to do is step back and see my son as a stranger and not let my emotions suck me back into his drama.  

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