Oh pandora I am so sorry for you. I dont know what has gone on recently in your life but it must be awful for you. The pain of having one of your children a P is un-bearable but when its more than that, its just so painful that words cant describe.

At times I still question how I brought mine up and was it something I did or didnt do but you know what-----I gave them so much love, they were my world and I didnt do anything wrong. If I had the chance to do it all again I dont even know what I would do differently. None of this is your fault and I suspect deep down that you realise this. When you mention their sense of loss, I understand what you mean. I know now that I mean absolutely nothing to my elder 2 sons and I mean nothing, nothing at all---and it is so hard to comprehend. I gave birth to them, nurtured them  and loved them with all my heart so how could I have no importance in their lives?  Just remember, you are not alone in this. I only wish I had something more positive to say to you.

Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs.

Kel