Hi kel....so sorry you are having more of this stuff.

Sorry too to hear about H.....thats unbelievable!!

When P kid started the bizarre stuff, she was 16, looking back, she had been difficult way before then but we just didn't see it. we had 4 teenage girls in 4 years ...it was a nightmare even if we had had all normal ones.

Anyway, H was really sufferring.....he couldn't deal with what they were up to..so he blanked it all out. He had troubles at work too.which led to financial problems and debt...so anymore of what was happenning, I just didn't feel I could tell him. Neither of us believed it was our precious daughter that could be at fault, we honestly thought she was being misled by an unsuitable BF.all we wanted was for her to get her education......and it seemed the BF was stopping her.

I decided things were bad enough for H without anymore being piled on...H wanted to go and sort the BF out..I am so glad it never got that far.....can only imagine how much little witch kid would have enjoyed that.and H would have ended up in trouble with the police simply for trying to " protect" his innocent daughter.

Decided not to say any more than I had to.....and dealt with it myself.....

We were ready for moving house but P kid wasn't supposed to be coming too.was just supposed to be me and H...then P calmed down and life was soooo much better..she asked to come here with us too....of course, like a fool, I let her...then she dropped the bombshell on us and produced a baby.and you know the rest of it.

She is 21 now. For a long time, H was angry with me for not telling him...even though under the circumstances I still think it was the best way to go. Recently, H has said that there was nothing that could have been done, she is as she is.and this morning he said he feels I did the best of a bad job given the circumstances..and we are ok with each other.even though there have been some very dark times..main thing here, H was soo mad at me for not telling him.he said even if he didn't do anything about it, he should have been told....he said he felt like he was a mushroom and it made him mad that I should decide what was best for him in his own home......and more to the point here.he said we were a partnership yet I was leaving him out and dealing with things on my own....and that bothered him for a long time afterwards.

H had  a point, but his blood pressure at the time was off the scale and I didn't want him stressing out any more with it all.

Men don't react as we do.and your H isn't the bio dad is he?.which has a different angle to things aswell.....but you are Hs wife.and who pays the bills and run things round here.H or P son?

....and your son needs to be on his way and leave the 2 of you to sort yourselves out..and enjoy the new baby.

Its a huge strain to put on any relationship. Is this son in contact with his  older brother?

We understand more of this  too as mothers.we know we didn't abuse our kids so know that there isn't a reason for this condition with them.

If this post is too personal for you, let me know.can easily delete it.

You know your H...given the time over I would have done it as I did....Hs life is worth far more than a sick kid who got some sort of pleasure knowing her dad was stressed out.so she upped it a gear anyway......

and now....2 years NC.....we have had the odd blip here and there with P kid.but she knows she is done with..and if she gets arrested.oh well, interesting but nothing to do with me. I brought my family up to know the difference between right and wrong.you can lead a horse to water etc. good luck