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| | From:  aplsauce03 (Original Message) | Sent: 2/11/2008 10:27 p.m. |
My NP daughter sent me this from Iraq after a year of no contact after assaulting and threatening to kill me in Aug. of 2007. I added some commentary in ( ). She perfumed this letter, just for an "extra touch".
I've thought about writing a letter for a while, but honestly, I didn't know what to say. Every night the words came so easy, but when I finally sit down I go blank.
I want you to know that I forgive you. (I guess that's for having her arrested after the assault). You may not feel that you have done anything to merit forgiveness, but there are some things that I feel differently about. I forgive you for everything, Mom. And I am deeply sorry if I have ever hurt you in anyway. People do things for many different reasons. And if in my actions, out of feelings of anger or betrayal hurt you-again-I truly am sorry.
You probably guessed I am in Iraq. It's going to be alot different this time around. 14 hour workdays. Guarding prisoners. 3 minute showers. And there is a haze of tan that infects everything. There is no sun. There is no moon. Not a single piece of green. Just varying degrees of tan. (isn't that sad, welcome to my world, only you colored it black). It's almost sad. And with the work schedule, I will probably not be able to finish school. (Hmmm, no kidding, she's 24 she hasn't even started let alone finish, plus she's already given herself one more excuse). I was really looking forward to that. However everything set aside, I am trying to stay positive. I don't want this place to eat me from the inside out like it threatened to do last time. (Must be difficult keeping the mask on that long, but she has no choice tensions are high and they're are also armed). Oh, and I'm hoping to join the "Praise Team" at the Chapel. But, like I said, who knows with the schedule. (One more excuse).
John and I are fine. (her husband she married the day before she had to report for training for Iraq. The 5th time she met him was the wedding day, we haven't met him. She told him I would "eat him alive", however her other boyfriends that weren't brainwashed into believing we abused her actually like us. They have never lived together and lived about 1000 mile away with a phone courtship). We talk everyday and still managed to not have a single argument. (he's in for a BIG surprise when she returns). It is difficult, though. We miss each other terribly. I really wish you could've met him. (He may have learned that she's a liar if that ever happened). He's everything you could've ever wished for me including the whole blonde + blue eye thing. Right now he's working on becoming a Paramedic. He's already a licensed EMT, but he wants to do something a little more. I'm quite proud of him. He works his cute little butt off. I'm sure that I could go on and on about him, but all that really matters is: I'm happy. We bring out the best in each other. And we take our marriage VERY seriously. (I'm sure).
I'm sure that I will write again, as I continue to feel some sort of obligation to let you know that I'm alright. (She didn't have that problem before she left). However, I ask that you don't go out of your way to write back. (I have no address). Simply put, I am not ready for a relationship with you. I am sorry if you felt that being here might change my mind, but it hasn't. (Actually I was just glad she was far away). I may never be able to have a relationship with you, but time changes things. No one knows the future.
Please know that regardless of whether or not I see you again (as if she's in control of that anymore), I will always love you. You always have been, and always will be my Mother. (At least she left out the F'ing). And at some point, when I look back to the past, you have been my best friend. Take care and know that I think of you often.
Love, --------------
I couldn't even begin to make up that crap, she also put me on the FRG (family readiness group) list. I took myself OFF. Then the other day she tried to IM me. I denied it. I want her to stay away. She must really need "SUPPLY". I have none
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| Well, I'm not wishing her dead. But she's threatened to "Kill me", so I'm not feeling a need to put myself in danger any longer. She has also told me "You'd better be careful, cause I've been trained to kill people". And you know what? She has. I'm praying for her safety, that doesn't have anything to do with her coming anywhere near me. Perhaps had she had you by your throat bent backwards over her balcony after punching you in the head and saying those things to you, you might feel differently. |
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| | | From: femfree | Sent: 23/11/2008 6:19 a.m. |
I'm sure aplsauce that I would come to the conclusion that complete and total separation from your daughter who has done these things is the only survival possible. It's a sad tragedy. And, one that could save your life. |
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I totally understand Applesauce And I am not too sure about forgiveness and what it means But that letter seems shallow to me - like you only coloured her world "black" My P died - whether I forgave him or not - he died They are manipulative people - I am sure you know her much better than you can ever explain And I bet down deep you still love what she was once But she has run around and around and disrupted your life and only you know how much Whoever said "burn the next letter" had it right - but depending on how badly her letters cut you - read it first - you can always off-load it as you have hear Sparky |
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