Yesterday my oldest daughter.32. said that I am never welcomed to stay at her house because her husband would leave until I was gone. She just had a baby,my first grandchild and I can not go see him. I asked her why are you both so angry at me. She said she didn't want to get into it but It is 80% my fault and 20% theirs. I dropped it then. This seems weird to me to put it like this. I really wanted to know why. I am not stupid and I have had many years of therapy in my life and by all therapists and pastors I Have talked to for the past 30 yrs. I have been told I have a gift of truth. I always could see what was happening,but my trouble has been not taking it on as if I am the bad one and secondly wanting to fix the one abusing me.

So, I was upset and called my younger daughter who I am having the most trouble with...she is emotionally mentally abusive and I have wrote much about her on here and on the other N site. Anyways, I asked her what have I done to her sister that is so terrible. She said That I give my opinion and she doesnt want to hear it. And this daughter I asked said that is how she feels too. She said stop trying to control us. This is the daughter who won't pay me back for a car loan,who won't replace my car I sold to have the $$ to get us to anther state and she said she would. She has critizied every boyfriend I have had. I just found out she wrote my last boyfriend and told him he better stay away from me or else.and on and on. I have been soulsearching and really trying to see why they think I am to blame.Honestly I came up with only 2 times I gave my opinion in 7 yrs. Mostly, I tell them what a wonder teacher you are...your so beautiful and funny...your a wonderful mom.and on and on. Mary,the youngest said...well you really have kept it surface with Heather for years so she doesn't get mad. True. Then Mary said, That I am soooo judemental all their lives since they were little. And frankly mom we do not care what you think. Mary told me 2 weeks ago,not to talk to her when she gets home....and once she is in her bedroom no talking to her....this is after  I asked her ...how are you today? as she was in her room and I was close by in the kitchen. She went balllistic on me about that.I am hadicap and she has not cleaned my room or bathroom for 3 months. She said she won't cook me dinner anymore..which she did only once a week. I needed laundry done when I came home from  the hospital from my 3rd CHF and pneumonia. and she washed my cloths,but didn't give them to me and I ran out of underwear and I wasn't able to walk to get it. Well, it was another ballistic outburst at me. Saying her usual...stop trying to control me. She steals my money and mail. She puts my mail on hold when she goes away for a few days.

She wants me to move into a hud apt. So do I....but I am mostly bedridden and she said she won't help me.and I sold my car to get to this state so I do not have a ride and I live in the country.She knows that I am an animal lover and she has 2 cats. snowball loves me alot. Well, now that she met this man 2 months ago mary plans on killing the cats and traveling for a year with him. She leaves their food empty and litter box so filthy that when they jump on my bed their little paws carry up poop on it. I will ask her nicely to clean it..and she yells at me...do not tell me what to do I will do what I want with my cats.

She doesn't want to hear me say one word period. and blames me for everything. Heather the older one...fakes friendly but I can not say one word to her either.They know that I am a christian. And that some things bother me what they do that I consider immoral...so they say them to me...such as, mary says she showers with her boyfriend. Now, if I say anything about that,which I did..saying ...you know that is immoral Mary. she says I am a grown woman and do not tell me what to do. But Mary thinks she is a good christian.....as she sleeps with her man everyweek.

Heather husband wrote me super nasty e-mails saying I am loser and have been all my life and that I cant have real friends online and no one would really be my friend in person. and 3 more pages of that stuff at me. I said nothing back. It wasover that when Heather was pregeant I asked her if she was going to stay home to take care of her baby?And I think that would be good.(He makes enough money for this). Well that started WWIII. I realized I gave my opinion,but nevertheless,the reaction was way out of line to me. Heather said that pushed Alekx over the limit with me and there is no going back. So, I am forever exiled and unforgiven. Like I did so many bad things. And I didn't . I even furnished their home with highend things for a wedding present. which I was never thanked for.I paid for her to go through college and never thanked. We girls were very close as I was raising them. I could wait for them to be home from school and go have fun with them. We would laugh so hard to gether we would cry. We had years of fun...balanced with discipline when they were acting badly. I followed my therapists advise on my things to raise them well. I really do not get this mean behavior towards me. And over the past years they have given me their opinions about my life my men and on and on and even though I didnt agree with them I haven't held it against them.It seems that no matter what good I do for them it is never enough or acknowledged. And now that I am totally broke and Mary got the last of my money and even my car sold.WHich I trusted her at the time and never should have. Now they are both gonna kick me to the curb and I get to live on $600 a month...which I would NEVER done to them. I always helped then everytime they needed it. And they will even tell you that now.

I want to forgive them and feel joy again. But It is such deep hurt from them I do not know how. I cry daily. I blame myself for not being happy christian. I try to see how it was my fault with them so I can change it.Where did I go wrong? What did I do so awful? How can they treat me with such disrespect? Now that Mary has a boyfriend she has been in alot if contact with her sister. And since then it is like they are gaining up on me together...they are meaner and more selfish and attack me verbably. And when I get upset..Mary says...I KNOW YOU WOULD GET LIKE THIS and want to talk about it. She says that all the time.....I wish I had a comeback to that. But of course I want to deal with it...it is hurtful to me when she clenches her fists and accuses me of being this monster controlling mom. I am a strong minded woman..but I do not want to control them or anyone. I do not understand why we cant all just share our feelings and thoughts and if there is a problem come to some agreements and compromises. They absolutely refuse and prefer to blame me for saying what I feel and think....and really because I know they don't want to hear me...I really dont even do that and that make me feel stifled..but I am trying to keep peace. One slip in 7 yrs saying..are you staying home with your baby....now I am not allowed at his baptism and they are taking him to mexico for that. It is like I do not have a grandchild at all.

When I finally get an apt. I pray I can somehow afford what I need to survive. I want a break from all their crap they are dumping on me. I just do  not want to be abused by them anymore and I want to be happy whatever time I have left. I have been mostly bedridden 13 yrs. and it is sad to me..that they won't be here for me in any way. I understand they have their own lives...but when i ask for anything..they say I am controlling and they cant help me. They always say they are broke...as Heather is going on yet another trip...out if usa and Mary is bringing home Sephora shopping bags and bags of clothes weekly. And that bothers me when she won'y pay me back what she owes me. I just do not know what to do anymore. I am in a painful rut and i want out.