I think I wasn't clear about needing to talk with someone. You have all been so kind to reply but, I have been to these sites and more...I have researched all of this until I just can't read anymore. What I need is to find someone to talk back and forth with....penpal????  I'm a good listener too, we can share. I know the only answer is to end my marriage. After 18yrs. and NOTHING has changed I believe it never will. "K" has done such hideous things and hasn't made a dent in her father so I guess anything she does will always be accepted and forgiven by him. We have talked endlessly and I have given the ultimatum...her or me. Nothing has worked. It seems he expects me to just "put up". I can't do that and have any kind of real happiness. Just knowing he is in the other room talking on the phone to her sends waves of hatred & anger. That's not who I am & I don't want to become an angry bitter person. If anyone reads this that is living a similar life I need to hear from you. This is my "stepdaughter".  If you have this problem please contact me.