Recently, I have had to admit that my beloved, beautiful, successful only daughter is an N, just as both her grandmothers, her father, her stepfather were.
Two pressing issues:
-her Nmentoring of her older son. Her paternal grandmother to whom she was very close mentored my daughter's father who was an only child; if that relationship were not incestuous in fact, it was certainly emotional incest. Question: do they choose the child most like them? My mother chose my much younger sister.
-her soul. I saw the blank eyes for the first time recently which renewed a memory of 5-years ago. Her husband at that time, she and I were chatting about my sons, her 2 brothers. Her head bowed down then came up and she said blankly "got rid of those 2". Her husband froze; as did I from decades of not absorbing Nhate.
I asked her later why she said that. She had no memory of it. She was not lying about not remembering what she said which leads me to believe some N's have a spiritual infection that speaks thru them.
I am scientifically trained and have been objectively observing her for 15 years. She went to NYC where she became astonishingly successful in a demanding field then returned to our home southern state. Something happened while she was in NYC. She became an alcoholic (rampant in our family and her father's), abandoned her sense of style which was her trademark (this was not a cultural effect, NYC women have great style), and became unpleasant to be around. Of course, I know alcoholism does this but so does malignant narcissism.
I am her target as is any man she is married to, she is on her 3rd marriage; her father was married 5 times. She absolutely hates me. I am mature enough to know she hates me because I am a very laid back person and people generally like me. Unfortunately her current husband does like me. When I realized this and the peril he was putting himself in, I severely limited our contact. I am down to almost no contact with my daughter/her family now, just an occasional email.
There have been times when she openingly told me of her disgust. One was silly regarding holiday gatherings, etc, she said she, her brothers, and their families loved it when I went to bed "so they could make fun of me." Again, I did not retain what she said because my daughter is an amateur compared to my mother.
Then recently I had the final straw, that was when her eyes were blank when she opened her door and the visit disintergrated from there. No raised voices, no harsh words, that's not our style. I calmly realized I was not welcome and yes her husband was there.
One more time in my life, I am losing a family that is very dear to me because of malignant N. But this time I am not heartbroken, I have a right to life my life without condemnation and she has the right to live her life constantly glorifying herself in her subtle way. Frankly, I feel better with my daughter out of my life.
Kind regards and if you have any input regarding a spiritual infection or anything else I would appreciate your time and input.
Not spell checked.
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