| Hi I'm new & not sure where to start. I am a single parent of a 14-yr old son who was diagnosed with BPD 2 yrs. ago & recently with NPD. They say he's too young for an official diagnosis of APD, but shows all the signs. I kept hoping if the BPD was taken care of the rest would fall into place, but it's only gotten worse. I have been trying to get help for years and it took until his last hospitalization for them to see what I've been telling them. He has almost killed our dog, come after me, threatened me, threatened to kill others, etc. His therapist wanted me to tell him that I was afraid of him b/c of his violence - I've lived in fear for the last 2 yrs. and been a prisoner in my own home. I had to lock my door at night and sleep became something of a luxury. He shows signs of fixating on me & not respecting my boundaries - he presents as posing a sexual threat and has no regard for what is just WRONG or inappropriate - just what he wants no matter what. I have been having anxiety attacks for over a year now & when I told his therapist how his behavior has affected me, she thought that though he was extremely N - I need to let him know that I count too. Once I said he made me nervous - he got violent & had to be escorted out - he went postal. After that he threatened to kill me - he all the sudden told the Dr. that he owns me - that he deliberately chased off friends - there's no one left & that he was jealous of our dog b/c she could sit in my lap and sleep in my bed. There were more details that just make me sick. He thinks I exist for him & since I ticked him off he threatened to beat my face in & then said blandly - I guess I'd go to jail so maybe not. Then he said if they returned him home that he'll end up killing me b/c I'd probably say something at some point to tick him off- he said he'd probably kill the dog first since she'd try to protect me. No emotion, no realization of all I've given up, how much I've tried to help, how much I've stood by him. I walked on eggshells and tried to be supporting, tried not to set him off, avoided calling the police (when I should have - hindsight) - tried to stay positive when I felt like everyday was walking through "the valley of the shadow of death". I'm sorry this is so long - there's just so much that's happened and this has affected me so thoroughly, I don't know how to get back on my feet. He's temporarily in a Therapeutic Home - with a new Dr. & Therapist & they don't believe the history. He displays the good manners and the charm most of the time to them and they disregard his threats to kill. I can see he's still showing some warning signs, but they are not used to dealing with this degree of sickness - they think he's too young & it will go away. I am still scared of him and have to pick him up & I know he's dangerous. I hate this. I've lost so much & can't see how I can continue to deal knowing that at any point in time I will get the dreaded call that he's hurt someone or worse. Looking forward to connecting with others who have an idea what I'm talking about. Thanks, A |
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