Hi Sparky and everyone else,

              So true the denial has worn off. That's not to say I can't be cought off guard, but when I started researching and  hearing myself say yes, yes and yes that is what my 14yr old son is like. I thought there is no telling this duck not to quack and i stopped taking his behavior person and felt better. It's so strange to see him in action

though. It's hard on the whole family, but it hard when I see him efffect my 5yr old twin boys and my 6 yr old daughter. My husband talks to me some, but you know how men can be sometimes. My husband is bipolar so he is sometimes hard to read, but now that we've accepted reality, we're not sucked in so muchand are actually doing better emotionally.          Belrose777

Hi Vera. There are some very good child professionals in psychiatry. They do dx (diagnose) all the other things first and only after age 18 do they go for the adult dxs.

 

This often done because of the way insurance companies pay.

 

One child psychiatrist in Canada where I live, mentioned that it's a bugger to get into the system, however once in it there's a lot of referrals and information available. Check with the mental health at your local children's hospitals. (at least that's what I recommend from my Canadian perspective).

hi vera i'm new to this site. my 14  yr old son is a psy/narc. i heard of "with out conscience" by dr hare on this site 3 days ago and got it from the library the same day. what a jagged lttle pill that is to swallow. call ME crazy but i want to ween him off lithium and wellbutrin and keep the seroquel (its like knock out drops for him) in case he becomes physically out of control. hes the same with or without the medicine

so why give it to him. pedeatric pschiatrists don't get it. its like my son was born with a mental birth defect. what kind of med  willgive him a conscience or convince him that no one knows better than him. belrose777

Hi bel.pleased to meet you.

I suppose I was lucky in some ways, P kid here didn't start to really go off the rails til she hit 14 so we never went down the meds route with her.not that it would have made much of a difference..and I agree, there is something missing with them.

 

She is 21 now but has been out of my life since she was 19....if this were a fairy tale, there would be a happy ending......my happy ending now will be no further contact with her ever.....and in some ways that is so sad yet neccessary.

 

I read the book, " Without Conscience"......it opened my eyes and yet made me feel sick all at once.

 

I think aswell, part of the healing process is learning how to ignore other people who want to blame us for this  condition......once we get our heads round that, more stuff slots into place and helps us try to make some sense from it all.

Hi vera.....aren't they odd re mobile phones?.I can remember the same sort of thing happenning here but P kid didn't call the police....she stole my phone from my car and had me report it as a theft to the police.and she even volunteered somebody she had " seen in the area acting suspiciously earlier in the day"

 

I agree also re genetics.although I used to believe that kids were good and it was upbringing that turned them bad..so that was a hard lesson to learn.....and teenagers, even normal ones aren't on the same planet as the rest of us, are they?

 

I thought I only had 1 P kid out of my 4..think maybe there is at least another 1 and a third 1 I will reserve judgement on but not have contact with........so at the moment, I am left with 1 kid that I think is normal.

 

 

oops.and as for genetics here....H is normal and so am I.but MIL is exactly the same as P kid number 1.as is BIL.......so maybe it can skip generations aswell?

 

I do know also that another BIL whos is normal has 2 bio kids that are nightmares..not had contact with these for 17 years, just heard it from other relatives..........yet this BIL isn't P...but these kids have had lots of contact with P MIL and P BIL.

Hi Vera

I stumbled upon all this after my son went to live with the in-laws.  I read this board for 2 years before I posted anything.  Because the children I had trouble with were adopted, (but not blood related to each other) and my bio kids gave me no trouble, I felt a lot of unnecessary guilt that I was making a hidden distinction between them and CAUSING their bad behavior.  Plus, I felt that's what outsiders were saying too.  But if that was the case, why are there p/n kids in completely biol. families? 

Another reason I don't post too often, is now that they are out of the house, I don't want to stir things up within myself.  But I still feel like maybe I should encourage others.  So that's why I peek in. 

I use to think my son was "morally retarded".  Then I read in proverbs in the Bible that the definition of a fool is "one who is morally deficient:".  Since then, the proverbs that applies to "fools" give me more helpful advice than the verses about "children".

 

 

Hi Guys- wow wow wow-I stopped off at Bible gateway 2 seconds ago and did a search for rebellious child and couldn't find anything and then i come here and find the post before  this one-hve you ever felt like Jesus knows you've had so much chaos that you're dumbfounded and He decides to look in on you-like looking right over your shoulder. my p/n son won't (can't ?) follow the simplest rules (today drinking out of the oj jug-sounds picky of me i know but stay w/me). A.the rule is not his idea and B.he knows i don't like it. Lately instead of entertaining him with an argument when he chooses undesirable behavior i'll send him to his room so his N is't being fed by getting attention from any one. so i did and said sit on your couch and don't do anything else for a few min. Of course instead he dicides to rearrange his room . That way when he's corrected I look like the nutty one when he says  I got in trouble for cleaning my room. I went in his room and told him to sit. He began to insult me I said stop he said get the f**k out of my roon (well now...)I've as a last resort warned him that when anything foul comes out of his mouth directed toward me i'll tap his mouth (i've tapped my own mouth in frount of my 3 younger ones to let them know how hard it is and that i'm not hurting him). it went from the tap on his mouth to him telling my husband that when his ms  has progessed enough to have him in bed he would beat him up because 'that would be fair'   because my hubby is stronger than him now and has had to hold him down.. i'm enterested in what u all have to say-belrose777

Hi Belrose

 

I'm Sparky from Australia.

 

My P was an adopted child and his adoptive Dad - my ex husband - gave up when the kid got too hard to handle and I dunno know how he did it - my ex was able to shut it out of his consciousness except for bouts of violent vomiting on the couple of occasions I said

 

"LOOK AFTER HIM I HAVE A LIFE TOO"

 

It really didn't work

 

I couldn't turn my back - but he was a tall boy and around 11 he grew past me in height - and I'm tall - taller than my ex - and then I lost control physically and the Head Master at the Primary School suggested State Wardship - which didn't mean he was no longer in our lives

 

But the adoption had broken  down.

 

So was it his genes or possible alcohol consumption of his birth mother or maybe he was just angry and pushed everything and everybody past the point of endurance

 

He tested everything and he lost the fight

 

But - whose fault?

 

What to do?

 

Whose genes cause what?

 

Was it something that happened during gestation - like a virus of some kind?

 

Or something in the environment?

 

And of course there are all those sticky beaks - "Cluck - cluck - cluck"

 

It never goes away - but after  times some people learn to butt out

 

All the best everyone - please - never blame yourselves

 

Sparky

hi Sparky- i hate it when i let 'maybe he can change' creep in, or 'maybe we jumped to conclusions' or i think(does this mean i'm nuts) he'll be grateful for something. then  he'll waddle, quack and shed a feather and i'll remember oh yeah, he's a DUCK-so to speak. He is offically of all psychiatric drugs as of this evening. soon as the proffessionals (nurse and pharmasist)  reluctantly let me know his dose was low enough to stop then i did. I told the dr's office i know what my son's condition is(i didn't say) and lithium and antidepressants aren't going to help and no i don't want an appt to make sure he ok with out the meds. now i never have to go there again.I should put them on the Christmas card list-it's not their fault 'big brother' says a p/n can't offically be diagnosed until they're an adult. i do keep a drug called seroquel for emergencies: tempure tantrums, scaring the little kids with lies and violent out bursts. that med is like knock out drops for my son. safely puts him right to sleep. i used to use it to be sure he'd sleep all night if i was scared when he'd say things like 'you won't have to worry about me anymore.' THANKS for dropping me a line today was a tough one and it's so nice to log on an find a note

 

ps was'bouts of violent vomiting' a figure of speech? -Belrose 777

shadow dancr-i know how you feel-my p/n is my 14 yr old son and my husband has bipolar disorder and is developing more multiple sclerosis plaques in his brain. p/ns are unpredictable at best, my husband is going through work,  family, health stress also sometimes his meds confuse both of us which makes parenting 'fun'

Blessings and laughter-belrose

Hi Belrose

 

Isn't it wonderful all the things that people tell us about our children

 

You're not a bad mother - and

 

Here in Australia people can be charge with abuse if the smack their children and

 

The magistrates in the Children's Court can fine the parents for their child's bad behaviour

 

I see women battling with their kids in the shops and I just say - you're okay - it's tough - I'm not offended by what I see - something like that - to let the person know that although I'm staring I'm not judging or if I look away - I seem to be looking the other way

 

But I do see and I do understand

 

It's so tough

 

About medication - when he was around 4 the child psychiatrist prescribed something called pericysazine which is something like ritolin - it's an upper - some of these kids systems work in reverse

 

And I was only supposed to give him one when I couldn't take it any longer

 

I so crushed the tablet and put it in a spoonful of jam and gave both my kids a spoonful each

 

But my daughter just got jam

 

Around half and hour after he had the medication my son would suddenly wind down and behave like a normal child

 

I wish I had given him one of those tablets every day

 

I have to go now but I will come back soon

 

Sparky