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Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child[email protected] 
  
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 Message 1 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN Nicknamekeepbeingtrue  (Original Message)Sent: 6/06/2008 4:19 p.m.
I don't know what to do anymore...no contact isn't working...we run a bussiness from our house and cannot change that phone number...it would be detrimental to our livelyhood.  PSon calls constantly...hes real big on shock value.  Really stresses me out.  One of the annoying things he does is sing...Yup, he thinks he's gonna make it as a rockstar.  He'll leave 1/2 hour messages on our answering machine and call back over and over to leave more...just singing and then sometimes ending with a rant of some kind.  Usually about us being an awful family that doesn't care about him.  Terrible parents, etc.
He'll call for a week straight at 3am just to wake up the whole house and either swear at us or sing to us.  Yup, this happens at least once a month.  He not only calls us, but everyone he has a phone number for in my extended family.  (if I ever want to get back at someone all I have to do is give him thier phone number:>)  haha
In February he called over 15 times in one day to tell us we had to leave our home...that he got himself in trouble with some crazy group of people that were going to come to our hose looking for him and that we were in HUGE immenant danger.  We ignored it.
He also called that month with some fabricated rape story...he got raped in a park by three men and needed t come home fr a while...we ignored this as well.
In March he threatened to charge me because I had pictures of him on my webpage.  Very family friendly web page a day out boating.  The only reason I had that ONE picture posted is because 6 months before he ranted and raved that he was the only family member missing from the webpage and I posted one to shut him up.
He also starting calling all kinds of people we are aquainted with and telling them crazy stories about how we have abandoned him and he gets raped in parks and stuff...
In April he called for money...said he had no choice but to become a prostitute because we wouldn't give him any.  Also a suicide threat...one of many.
In May he was sending someone to hurt my sister (his Aunt) because she pi$$ed him off...then he started calling us all the time again...multiple times a day.  This week it was another suicide threat...then more ranting about us being terrible people...
Yesterday he called to tell me he might be going to jail...says he has been accused of something to do with a toddler.  If he did what he says he is being accused of...then I hope that not only does he go to jail, but that he gets a good going over while he's in there.  He is a disgusting excuse for a human being.


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 Message 2 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN Nicknamebelrose777Sent: 6/06/2008 7:50 p.m.
kbt-hope you don't mind and my husband isn't jealous :), but you may be my new best friend. wow your circumstances are intense. i could hardly believe that we're both captive audience to our aspiring musician  sons.I'm 40 yrs old and i still want to be a rock star when i grow up( or when the kids are grown) difference is that i don't cram it down people's throats. my 14 is still living at home and is such an icredible pain in the @$$. my husband has comewith a new parenting idea. since son is p/n when he does something wrong (exceptions hurting someone, stealing/distroying property) we say/do nothing, give him no, none, zip attention. this means when he is rude we ignore him. if he leaves a mess we ignore him. because like yours he'll take neg attention if thats all he can get being N.it goes both ways when choses socially acceptable behavior he gets all the attention his little N heart desires. this experiment is killing me. i want to..............when he's rude, messy, mean to the little kids-5 yr old twin boys and 6 yr old girl. i tell them to ignore him and why and if he's being especially nasty we go to the park or for ice cream and he's left without an audience. I have no idea if this is the right thing to do. we've put a date on it-sept. if he at least can memorize that he gets what he wants when he does what we tell him to by then then we'll know it works and you all will hear all about it. if not,well, you'll hear about that too and we'll find a new flavor of the mo. for dealing with living around this kid. sometimes i just can't believe this is happening.-belrose  ps drop me a line. let me know how you are :) 

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 Message 3 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN Nicknamebelrose777Sent: 6/06/2008 7:53 p.m.
kbt -forgot to ask, can you get a restraining order? or am i bein silly thinking he'd obseve it. might help.

Reply
 Message 4 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamefemfreeSent: 6/06/2008 8:52 p.m.
HI keepbeingtrue.
 
Why do you talk to him when he calls? Is there another number he can call and leave a message for whoever?? 
 
Stop encouraging him to call by stop talking to him on that phone.

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 Message 5 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamefemfreeSent: 6/06/2008 9:00 p.m.
I'm shaking my head wondering why on earth you would talk to him anyway. He's full of threats, BS, craziness. Just hang up on him.

Reply
 Message 6 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamekeepbeingtrueSent: 7/06/2008 2:51 p.m.
Our conversations generally last about 30 seconds.  I can never tell it is him calling to I often end up answering...he is homeless so uses a different phone all the time.  When I suspect it's him I definitely don't answer.  I tried talking to the police about a restraining order, but in order for him to be served he has to have an address, and he moves from city to city every week or so.
Belrose, I have no idea what works with these kids.I have tried everything I could come up with when mine was living at home...the only way to deal with them is to get rid of them.  If you can prove somehow that he is a danger to the other kids you might be able to have children's services take him out of your home...that's how we moved ours out at 14.

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 Message 7 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameunknownmsSent: 8/06/2008 4:29 p.m.
Hi Femfree (and everyone else),
You wrote:

"Why do you talk to him when he calls?" and

"I'm shaking my head wondering why on earth you would talk to him anyway. He's full of threats, BS, craziness. Just hang up on him."

The answers to both these questions are in Liane Leedoms book . . "Women Who Love Psychopaths".

It's a real eye-opener! I recommend everone read this book to answer these questions.

Reply
 Message 8 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamegladlyxSent: 12/06/2008 3:18 a.m.
I thought this was written by Sandra Brown.  It is posted on the other message boards.  Women Who Love Psychopaths.... Am I confused?  I went to the website to try to order the book and it was messed up so I didn't bother.  It took me to How to Spot a Dangerous Man. 
 
Maybe one of the moderators can answer my question.
 
But in referring to your post.  Breathe deep.....This too shall pass and the child can and will grow up and go away....
 
Have you got the money for extensive therapy?  I was going to do that with my son, but couldn't afford it.  At 14 there are wilderness therapy programs, that are not as expensive but costly none the less.
 
Gladly

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 Message 9 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameunknownmsSent: 12/06/2008 3:55 a.m.
The book was written by both Liane leedom and Sandra Brown.

Reply
 Message 10 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameunknownmsSent: 20/06/2008 2:46 p.m.
Hi Femfree, you wrote

"I'm shaking my head wondering why on earth you would talk to him anyway. He's full of threats, BS, craziness. Just hang up on him."

This is a great article precisely addressing this phenomena.
(and you don't have to buy a book).

http://drjoecarver.makeswebsites.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockholm_syndrome.html

Reply
 Message 11 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamekellomalSent: 20/06/2008 3:34 p.m.
Hi Belrose,
I was reading your thread about how you ignore your Psons behaviour unless it is stealing or damaging property etc. How do you deal with his behaviour if he steals or damages property----I hope you dont mind me asking but I am at my wits end with my son who is nearly 16. We ignore all his behaviour even the stealing and damaging property which sounds awful but I have found that he doesnt respond to anything in the way of punishment, but I feel so guilty for ignoring it. In the past when I have addressed it, I have got no-where and he actually makes me feel guilty, as if it is my fault that he acts the way he does.
I just wish he would leave home and give me some peace.

Reply
 Message 12 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN Nicknamebelrose777Sent: 21/06/2008 12:06 a.m.
hi Kellomal- my 14 yr old son already has a record-he was arrested twice  for hitting me and my hubby- you call the police -here in texas if a person makes even a clear threat that is against the law-if he breaks something that u paid for call the police-if he takes something that you bouhgt w/o ur permission don't even talk to ur son just go to the phone and call the police. they get to the point where they realize what ur son is really like-belrose
  please keep in touch (((((((((  :)  )))))))))))))))

Reply
 Message 13 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN Nicknamebelrose777Sent: 21/06/2008 12:10 a.m.
Kmal-forgot to tell you that i wonder if i can ignore his behavior until he leaves w/o developing a bleeding ulcer. my hands are shaking this very moment because he is so annoying,but i'm trying to ignore him. oh yea-he snuck out of the house last night -typical.-belrose777

Reply
 Message 14 of 14 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamekeepbeingtrueSent: 21/06/2008 2:56 a.m.
Can't you kick them out at 16?  We did it with our daughter when she got way out of hand.  She did smarten up and come back after a month or two, but if it was P I was dealing with it would not have happened
I know there is a law that says that you are financially responsible for them until 18, but there is a way around that law...
I just told them that yes, we have a room and food and everything available, but the child has to follow the rules and have respect for me to give it to them.  They are more than welcome to come home if they follow the rules.  Once I explained the behaviors we were off the hook with the financials thing...
As long as these kids are "welcome" home anytime *they* are ready to follow rules then it is okay.

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