kbt-hope you don't mind and my husband isn't jealous :), but you may be my new best friend. wow your circumstances are intense. i could hardly believe that we're both captive audience to our aspiring musician  sons.I'm 40 yrs old and i still want to be a rock star when i grow up( or when the kids are grown) difference is that i don't cram it down people's throats. my 14 is still living at home and is such an icredible pain in the @$$. my husband has comewith a new parenting idea. since son is p/n when he does something wrong (exceptions hurting someone, stealing/distroying property) we say/do nothing, give him no, none, zip attention. this means when he is rude we ignore him. if he leaves a mess we ignore him. because like yours he'll take neg attention if thats all he can get being N.it goes both ways when choses socially acceptable behavior he gets all the attention his little N heart desires. this experiment is killing me. i want to..............when he's rude, messy, mean to the little kids-5 yr old twin boys and 6 yr old girl. i tell them to ignore him and why and if he's being especially nasty we go to the park or for ice cream and he's left without an audience. I have no idea if this is the right thing to do. we've put a date on it-sept. if he at least can memorize that he gets what he wants when he does what we tell him to by then then we'll know it works and you all will hear all about it. if not,well, you'll hear about that too and we'll find a new flavor of the mo. for dealing with living around this kid. sometimes i just can't believe this is happening.-belrose  ps drop me a line. let me know how you are :) 

kbt -forgot to ask, can you get a restraining order? or am i bein silly thinking he'd obseve it. might help.

HI keepbeingtrue.

 

Why do you talk to him when he calls? Is there another number he can call and leave a message for whoever?? 

 

Stop encouraging him to call by stop talking to him on that phone.

I'm shaking my head wondering why on earth you would talk to him anyway. He's full of threats, BS, craziness. Just hang up on him.

Our conversations generally last about 30 seconds.  I can never tell it is him calling to I often end up answering...he is homeless so uses a different phone all the time.  When I suspect it's him I definitely don't answer.  I tried talking to the police about a restraining order, but in order for him to be served he has to have an address, and he moves from city to city every week or so.

Belrose, I have no idea what works with these kids.I have tried everything I could come up with when mine was living at home...the only way to deal with them is to get rid of them.  If you can prove somehow that he is a danger to the other kids you might be able to have children's services take him out of your home...that's how we moved ours out at 14.

I thought this was written by Sandra Brown.  It is posted on the other message boards.  Women Who Love Psychopaths.... Am I confused?  I went to the website to try to order the book and it was messed up so I didn't bother.  It took me to How to Spot a Dangerous Man. 

 

Maybe one of the moderators can answer my question.

 

But in referring to your post.  Breathe deep.....This too shall pass and the child can and will grow up and go away....

 

Have you got the money for extensive therapy?  I was going to do that with my son, but couldn't afford it.  At 14 there are wilderness therapy programs, that are not as expensive but costly none the less.

 

Gladly

Hi Belrose,

I was reading your thread about how you ignore your Psons behaviour unless it is stealing or damaging property etc. How do you deal with his behaviour if he steals or damages property----I hope you dont mind me asking but I am at my wits end with my son who is nearly 16. We ignore all his behaviour even the stealing and damaging property which sounds awful but I have found that he doesnt respond to anything in the way of punishment, but I feel so guilty for ignoring it. In the past when I have addressed it, I have got no-where and he actually makes me feel guilty, as if it is my fault that he acts the way he does.

I just wish he would leave home and give me some peace.

hi Kellomal- my 14 yr old son already has a record-he was arrested twice  for hitting me and my hubby- you call the police -here in texas if a person makes even a clear threat that is against the law-if he breaks something that u paid for call the police-if he takes something that you bouhgt w/o ur permission don't even talk to ur son just go to the phone and call the police. they get to the point where they realize what ur son is really like-belrose

  please keep in touch (((((((((  :)  )))))))))))))))

Kmal-forgot to tell you that i wonder if i can ignore his behavior until he leaves w/o developing a bleeding ulcer. my hands are shaking this very moment because he is so annoying,but i'm trying to ignore him. oh yea-he snuck out of the house last night -typical.-belrose777

Can't you kick them out at 16?  We did it with our daughter when she got way out of hand.  She did smarten up and come back after a month or two, but if it was P I was dealing with it would not have happened

I know there is a law that says that you are financially responsible for them until 18, but there is a way around that law...

I just told them that yes, we have a room and food and everything available, but the child has to follow the rules and have respect for me to give it to them.  They are more than welcome to come home if they follow the rules.  Once I explained the behaviors we were off the hook with the financials thing...

As long as these kids are "welcome" home anytime *they* are ready to follow rules then it is okay.